Guy #1: Have you ever thought about a vagina being like an “inverted” penis?
Guy #2: No.
Guy #1, continuing anyways: That way, if you were to “hit bottom” on a girl, that would mean that your penis was technically “bigger” than hers.
Guy #2: I want to kill myself for having been involved in this conversation.

Joplin, Missouri

Guy #1: If you lost my knife, so help me god you owe me $14.99. Plus shipping and handling.
Guy #2: Okay, so…we'll just deduct that from the eighty bucks you already owe me?
Guy #1: Statute of limitations. That bet was, like, five months ago.
Guy #2: Yeah, and we agreed that you'd owe me interest if you didn't pay me…
Guy #1 (incredulous): Interest? Was I *drunk*?
Guy #2: Well, it was at 8 am on a Tuesday. So you never know.

Stamford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Dave Eugene

Boss, to friend: So then I took her out to my car and let little Spiderman fire his web shooter all over her fa…
Employee, from back in the stockroom: Aaaaaaaaaaaaarghh! Jesus Christ, I'm quitting.

Hot Topic
West Virginia

Overheard by: oh dear

Animal-savvy office girl: Kangaroos are really mean.
Ordinary office girl, thoughtfully: I would be too, if someone was like hopping in and out of my stomach all day long.


Boutique girl #1: We could go out to Dexter's after work, but there's a Beatles cover band there tonight.
Boutique girl #2: Ugh! Yeah? Oh well…
Boutique girl #3: I don't even know any of their new albums.

New Jersey

Friend of coworker: (mumbling)
Coworker: So now I am sensitive to size!
Friend of coworker: (more mumbling).

University of Idaho
Moscow, Idaho

Girl #1: And then it said “list any nicknames,” and that's where I stopped. I mean, I only have the one. You know, the one that begins with “h.”
Girl #2: (mumbles)
Girl #1: Well, yeah, a silent “w.”


Deli girl: Have you ever seen a beautiful penis? I appreciate what they do, but I don't like to look at them.
Seafood woman: I've seen a beautiful one, but I'm biased, cuz I helped design it.
Deli girl: Um?
Seafood woman: You know, with the piercings, the Prince Albert and the rings. It's pretty.


Sweet little old lady #1: Well, we didn't know if we should spit or swallow.
Sweet little old lady #2: What did you do?
Sweet little old lady #1: I swallowed.

Cincinnati, Ohio

Man to another: I'm British, we don't touch each other.

Newton, Massachusetts