Chick: I can’t pee when the janitor is in there.
Dude: What, it throws you off? Try peeing while Al Gore is peeing right next to you on his phone. I usually just turn around and walk right back out.
King Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: misnomer
Guy looking across street: Is that girl sexy?
Friend: That’s a dude, man. How’s your eyesight?
Guy: I can see fine, I just can’t see clearly.
Newbury Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: alan
Young man #1: Would you rather take a shit right here in the mall and get arrested and laughed at, or have Mike Ditka sit on your face?
Young man #2: Dude, I’m on the phone… No, Mom, that was just some guy… Mike Ditka is an old football coach, Mom… No, he’s not here, he’s in Hollywood or somethin’.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Chick: So, what are you doing tonight?
Dude: Going out.
Chick: Where are you going?
Dude: Somewhere.
Chick: Oh. With who?
Dude: People.
Chick: You’re staying home tonight, huh?
Dude: Yeah…
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: cupcakee
Chick #1: I miss birth control.
Chick #2: Me, too. Condoms are complicated.
South Inwood Road
Dallas, Texas
Dude #1: That’s impossible.
Dude #2: No, it isn’t. I’ve seen a chick do it with a blender before.
Dude #1: Holy shit.
Sacramento City College
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Melissa
Dad’s friend: So, your daughter turns 34 tomorrow?
Dad: Yeah, I sent her a card.
Dad’s friend: What does it say?
Dad: ‘Happy Birthday, Sweetie. You’ve finally grown into your bra size.’
Prudential Plaza
Chicago, Illinois
Woman to friend: I’m so going to hit you in the vagina for that!
950 Mission Street
San Francisco, California
Guy #1: Have you ever thought about a vagina being like an “inverted” penis?
Guy #2: No.
Guy #1, continuing anyways: That way, if you were to “hit bottom” on a girl, that would mean that your penis was technically “bigger” than hers.
Guy #2: I want to kill myself for having been involved in this conversation.
Joplin, Missouri
Guy #1: If you lost my knife, so help me god you owe me $14.99. Plus shipping and handling.
Guy #2: Okay, so…we'll just deduct that from the eighty bucks you already owe me?
Guy #1: Statute of limitations. That bet was, like, five months ago.
Guy #2: Yeah, and we agreed that you'd owe me interest if you didn't pay me…
Guy #1 (incredulous): Interest? Was I *drunk*?
Guy #2: Well, it was at 8 am on a Tuesday. So you never know.
Stamford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Dave Eugene
