Co-worker #1: Man! Sasha* is on the phone every time I go over there to talk to her.
Co-worker #2: Yeah, you’re right! She is! You know who else is on the phone a lot? Latoya*.
Co-worker #1: … She’s the receptionist…

Tysons Corner, Virginia

Girl on phone, trying to find job while looking up: Which building are you in? The one with the glass windows?

Atlanta, Georgia

Gay server #1: We’ll be meeting that non-lesbian who looks just like a guy.
Gay server #2: Dibs on her anus.
[pause]Gay server #1: It’s always about the anus with you, isn’t it?

Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu

Girl: Did you notice the way their baby looked?
Guy: Um, yeah.
Girl: It’s because she didn’t do drugs or alcohol when she was pregnant. It makes a big difference, you know? That’s why the baby is so smart.

Tulsa, Oklahoma

Person #1: My vagina is as fucked as the Gaza strip.
Person #2: Can I suggest a nice Jewish gyno?
Person #1: I don't want her to colonize my vag. Monistat will work just fine.
Person #2: You could just shove some Challah bread up there and have the yeast go to town on your sorry ghettoized crotch.

Boston, Massachusetts

Old lady #1: They'll be all “whats that white stuff on yo' face?”
Old lady #2: Just tell 'em it's White-Out or something…

Delran, New Jersey

Overheard by: Bruce Banner

Man #1: How's your grandfather?
Man #2: Good. We were really lucky to see him.
Man #1: Yeah?
Man #2: Yeah. He had surgery to take out his colon.

Elevator, Park Ave
New York City, New York

Chick: My father went to Timbuktu.
Dude: Where is that, again?
Chick: Some county in Africa.
Dude: Some country in Africa?
Chick: Yeah. Africa is like Europe — made up of lots of countries.
Dude: Oh. I was never good at history.
Chick: I think you mean geography.
Dude: Oh, yeah…

Dulwich Hill

Old lady to friend: I don't know who Madonna thinks she is writing children's books. She's still a slut.

Washington, Utah

Overheard by: Nick West

Guy: Why can’t you just have the party at your place?
Girl: ‘Cuz I lost my damage deposit after that one time when that guy caught himself on fire.
Guy: A guy caught himself on fire and you lost your deposit?
Girl: Well, he dropped and rolled on the carpet. Then someone tried to put out the embers with rum, so the carpet caught fire too.
Guy: ….
Girl: Yeah, no more parties at my place cuz I have stupid friends who totally owe me $500 now.

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Nosey