Supervisor: Well, when I was a kid, I was really ugly. I had the big thick glasses, I was tiny, it was pretty bad.
Underling: Wow.
Supervisor: Yeah, but it got better around ninth grade. That’s when I turned drop dead sexy.
Underling: So, when did it go away?
250 West Jackson Street
Spring Grove, Pennsylvania
Man on cell: You’re just a social maggot. [Sweetly] Just a social magnet, that’s what I meant to say.
2 Clock Tower Place
Maynard, Massachusetts
Designer: Do you ever wonder if some of the girls here were hired for their looks? Oh, I’m not talking about you — I know you were hired because you’re a good writer.
312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
Co-worker: My nickname at work is Blondie. For some reason, everywhere I work my nickname ends up being Blondie. And I don’t even tell them that was my nickname before!
193 Maple Avenue
North Plainfield, New Jersey
Overheard by: Megan
Employee #1: Ugh! I hate it when [Allison] brings her bratty kid to work.
Employee #2: [Allison] knows he is a brat. He turned her into a coyote mother.
Employee #1: What?!
Employee #2: A coyote mother is when you gnaw your own ovaries off so you can’t have more brats.
Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Group leader: You filed the wrong report for this transaction.
Clerk: That’s the way [Lisa] trained me to do it.
Group leader: Which proves idiotisms are contagious.
Clerk: Yeah, you’re right… I mean no…. I mean, I don’t like it when you make me have to think about what you say.
5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Trim middle-aged President: I just received my soccer badge in the mail.
Young receptionist: I can’t see you playing soccer.
President: I don’t play, I referee.
Receptionist: Still, I can’t see your fat ass waddling up and down the field.
150 Batson Drive
Manchester, Connecticut
Overheard by: now I’m going to have to answer the phones again
CSR: I feel bad though that I’m leaving — I really like it here.
Manager: Oh, don’t feel bad. We got our money’s worth out of you.
Supervisor: Uh.
Manager: Um, I know, that sounds bad, huh. What I mean is that we, as a company, would much rather hire smart people who leave after two years than stupid people who stay here for, like, forty.
CSR: Thanks?
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Boss: I need to hire someone, but I need that person to be unexperienced, so that they don’t stupidly think they know what they are doing here before I train them.
Underling: Wait, then why did you hire me? I knew what I was doing when I started here.
Boss: You are the reason I now require people to be unexperienced. I couldn’t train the arrogance and stupidity out of you.
800 East, Utah State University
Logan, Utah
Overheard by: tm
Brit #1: What the fuck is her problem anyway?
Brit #2: She’s doing that thing.
Brit #1: What thing?
Brit #2: That Canadian thing where they pretend to be all nice because they’re from Canada when really, [putting on Canadian accent] they’re just, like, totally backstabbing dipshits, eh?’ I mean what kind of idiots would settle in a place where it hits minus 30, anyway?
V Parku
Prague, Czech Republic
