Stylist: How do you want your hair?
Customer: Short on the sides and blended with no weight line. I don’t want to look like a circumcised penis.
Great Clips
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Yeah – one is enough
Stylist: How do you want your hair?
Customer: Short on the sides and blended with no weight line. I don’t want to look like a circumcised penis.
Great Clips
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Yeah – one is enough
Angry manager: … And you are in no way the Leah* you should be! Do I make myself clear?!
Tearful employee: … Yes.
Angry manager: Are you always like this?
Tearful employee: No, I usually respond well to criticism, it’s just–
Angry manager: –It’s not criticism, it’s feedback!
Pride Park, Derby
United Kingdom
Overheard by: Glad I work in another department
Angry customer: [Inaudible over phone.]Employee: I apologize, sir. I understand your frusteration.
Angry customer: Why do you keep calling me ‘sir’?
Employee: Oh! Ma’am. I apologize.
Scottsdale, Arizona
Mailroom worker: I can’t take him to the Christmas party — he oh beast!
Receptionist: He’s a beast? You mean he’s ugly?
Mailroom worker: No, he’s fat. Like really fat. He’s oh beast.
Floor 7, 9460 Wilshire Boulevard
Beverly Hills, California
Blonde: So, have you taken any Lamaze or yoga classes to help with the birth?
Preggers: No, the thought of having to be around all those pregnant women made me sick.
Oakland, California
Little girl holding Bad Santa: Nana, can I get this Santa movie?
Grandmother: No, you can’t.
Little girl: But my mommy and daddy watched it.
Grandmother: That’s because your parents are bad people.
Wal-Mart
Raynham, Massachusetts
Yuppie girl: I found a turtle over the weekend. I put it in my backyard.
Flakey girl: What did you call it?
Yuppie girl: Myrtle.
Flakey girl: Is it fertile?
Yuppie girl: Is it what?
Flakey girl: Is it fer-tile? I was rhyming…
Yuppie girl: No, it’s a turtle.
Flakey girl: Myrtle, the fertile turtle.
Yuppie girl: You’re like Phoebe of Friends.
Flakey girl: You’re like Ross.
St. Kilda Road
Melbourne
Australia
Elderly customer: I’d also like a two-liter of Coke.
20-something cashier, smiling: Certainly.
Elderly customer: You know, I really like your demeanor and attitude.
20-something cashier: Up yours, old man.
Elderly customer: [Stunned silence.]20-something cashier: Have a nice day!
6780 Goshen Road
Goshen, Ohio
Overheard by: Delivery Expert
Librarian: Have you met the new assistant director? He reminds me a lot of Randy — you know — Ralphie’s little brother from A Christmas Story. Nobody wants to hang out with him. The other day I asked him how he was, and he actually held up a piece of rope and said, ‘Oh, I’m hanging in there!’ and gave me a creepy smile.
60 7th Street
Garden City, New York
Overheard by: Grace
Chick #1: Did anybody ever tell you that you look like a penis when you wear that hood?
Chick #2: I do not!
Chick #3: You should see her when she runs in that hood. Then she really looks like a penis…
Chick #2: Penises don’t run!
Saint Francis University
Loretto, Pennsylvania
