The Military

Co-worker: I don’t really pay that much attention to politics. I mean, I don’t even know the difference between a Republican and a Dominican.

Sullivan Barracks
Mannheim, Germany

Soldier #1: Sir, are you going to do anything while on leave?
Lieutenant, sitting in the one shady spot in the blazing heat: Yeah, I think me and my cousin are going to get some fuckin beers, get all smashed, go out and get tattoos. It's gonna be cool shit. Grab some brews, bitches…way cool.
Soldier #2, walking up: Yeah? Are you going to get a tattoo of a penis on your forehead, dickhead?
(shocked silence)
Lieutenant (thoughtful): Naw…fuck that.


Overheard by: TK- soldier#3 almost peed stopping from laughing

Man: *Erica, the phone’s for you.
Old coworker: What?
Man: It’s for *Erica!
Old man: Oh, ok. [picks up the phone] Hello?… Oh, hold on. [puts phone down] *Erica, the phone’s for you!

Washington Navy Yard
Washington, DC

Boss: Who made the coffee this morning?
Underling, defensively: Why?

Navy Yard
Washington, DC

Seaman, next to air force guys: I love Dick's! (pause) The restaurant, that is.
Airman: We always knew there was something about you seamen.

San Antonio, Texas

Overheard by: I like them too.

Old drone: I'm not computer suave-y like you all…

Navy Yard
Washington, DC

Coworker #1: How was The Simpsons Movie?
Coworker #2: Pretty good.
Coworker #1: It’s not the cartoon version, is it?
Coworker #2: Uhh… Yeah.

Navy Yard
Washington, DC

Male naval officer (over speakerphone): Do you need me to come over there?
Male naval office #2 (two cubicles down): No, sir, I just got it up. Everything's fine.
Male naval officer (over speakerphone): Well, let me know if you need help and I'll send someone over.
Male naval office #2 (two cubicles down): Roger that, sir.

Pacific Fleet Headquarters
Pearl Harbor, Hawaii

Overheard by: Just a lowly contractor

Underling: Is that what you need?
Boss: I was asking for a shark with laser beams, and I got a manatee with flashlights? Thanks.

Kadena Air Base
Okinawa, Japan

Overheard by: R U Shittin’ Me

Co-worker #1: Oh, I’m so glad you are here.
Co-worker #2: Why?
Co-worker #1: Because I got my hand stuck in the hole.

6 Campus Drive
Parsippany, New Jersey