Compare and contrast

20‐something female coworker: Ooooh! Dr. Seuss’ Oh, the Places You’ll Go! For real, ya’ll, that’s the best book ever written. Well…other than, like, the bible.

Charleston, South Carolina

Lauren*: So I went on this diet and I was eating cream of mushroom soup. And I thought, “wow, this is awfully thick. It’s like pudding!” Then I realized you’re supposed to put water in it.
Boss: Jesus Christ, Lauren*!
Lauren*: I know, right?
Boss: Why did we hire you again?

Fontana, California

Overheard by: Aeirlys

Kitchen grunt: You ever poop and suddenly find the world a better place?

Main Street
Greenwood, Indiana

Overheard by: RDC

Looks Like Bill’s Work, to Me

Graphic designer looking at logo: Looks like a free hand job to me.


Overheard by: Johnny Bystander

Office lady: How can you drink that much Red Bull?
Computer nerd: I don’t know, you build up a tolerance.
Office lady: If I drank that much I’d be whacking off the walls.
Computer nerd: Umm, you’d do what?

117th St
Broomfield, Colorado

Overheard by: The other nerd

Animal‐savvy office girl: Kangaroos are really mean.
Ordinary office girl, thoughtfully: I would be too, if someone was like hopping in and out of my stomach all day long.


Coworker: Dude, what’s the best Chinese place for lunch?
Overweight secretary: Ruby Foo’s, just below us!
Coworker: Thanks! (aside) See, the whale’s good for something.

Manhattan, New York

Geek: I hate to break it to you, but surfers don’t wear coats.

William Street
New York City, New York

Overheard by: Misanthropic Scott

Boss to underling: I’m okay with someone coming at me from the front. It’s when they come from behind that bothers me.

Tysons Corner, Virginia

Op: You know what would make a great pet?
Ernie: No, what?
Op: A badger.
Ernie: Yeah, great. Great at ripping human flesh off.
Op: Exactly, burglar protection.
Ernie: No, I was talking about your flesh.
Op: Oh… I can take it.

Boston, Massachusetts