Coworker on phone: I don’t want to know, dude. It’s like if the condom broke with a skank… I really don’t want to think about the pregnancy, or if she has the herpes, until she gets a tummy or I get a cold sore.
Boca Raton, Florida
Coworker on phone: I don’t want to know, dude. It’s like if the condom broke with a skank… I really don’t want to think about the pregnancy, or if she has the herpes, until she gets a tummy or I get a cold sore.
Boca Raton, Florida
Pharmacist: Okay, that prescription will be filled in 45 minutes.
Old man: Oh my, I’ll be dead by then!
Santa Barbara, California
65‐something delivery man to 30‐something female receptionist, as she bends over to lift printer:
Oh, wait, let me do that. I don’t want you to hurt your ovaries.
Denver, Colorado
Teen girl, holding a bag with a dead bird inside: My grandfather called earlier about getting this bird checked for West Nile virus. He found it in his yard.
Office clerk: Ok, I remember talking to him this morning. I need to get some information from you first. Now, what was his name?
The girl’s eyes get big, and she looks at the bag.
Office clerk: No, not the bird’s name. I need to know your grandfather’s name.
616 Court Street
Oberlin, Louisiana
Overheard by: Vicky
Office lady: How can you drink that much Red Bull?
Computer nerd: I don’t know, you build up a tolerance.
Office lady: If I drank that much I’d be whacking off the walls.
Computer nerd: Umm, you’d do what?
117th St
Broomfield, Colorado
Overheard by: The other nerd
Employee, singing on the way down the hall: I need to change my tammmmmponnnnn
Coalinga, California
Dumbest: He said he had a stomach ache so I gave him some Aflac – you know, rolodex?
Less Dumb: Antacids? Rolaids?
7th and Congress
Austin, Texas
Patient: Do you offer any discounts if this is my second surgery?
Receptionist: Sure, we can throw in a free appendectomy or colonoscopy… Your choice.
Orange Avenue
Orlando, Florida
Attorney #1: You know David*, the blind prosecutor downtown?
Attorney #2: He’s the one who always gets the young, hot assistants, right?
Attorney #3: I don’t care what anyone says, that son of a bitch can see.
300 West Main Street
Louisville, Kentucky
Receptionist on phone: My body always tells me when it’s time for a piece of beef.
Fairchild Court
Plainview, New York
