Clerk #1: My bladder hurts.
Clerk #2: What for?
Clerk #1: I was holding it all morning, and then I finally went, and now it’s been hurting.
Clerk #2: You probably shouldn’t do that. Your bladder can explode, you know.
49275 Electron Drive
San Diego, California
Worker #1: That’s a great way to start the day. Talkin’ about dog farts and placentas.
Worker #2: Breakfast, anyone?
5885 11th Street
Rockford, Illinois
Co-worker: Oh, I keep having these irrational dreams too. The other night I dreamt that I made this little mistake and it brought down like the entire company. And in the papers it said, “entire company went down because of this one stupid assistant!” And everyone knew my name and I couldn’t get a job anywhere, so I have to move to Europe and marry a guy to get my visa. Then I was a product of domestic abuse because he knew I was co-dependent on him.
175 5th Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Peter H
Nurse: Is there a reason that there’s a “no pregnant women” sign on that room? Because the patient in there is pregnant.
1500 East Medical Center Drive
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Maude Lynne
Designer: So I took the dead cat by the tail and chucked it over the fence and I thought, “Man. If the people at work could only see what a bumpkin I am.”
312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
Worker: Someone left puke in the toilet. I swear, bulimia should be illegal.
1000 SW Broadway
Portland, Oregon
Suit #1: Over on 49th, there’s a truck parked with a bunch of girls dancing in bikinis. It’s to promote Cancun.
Suit #2: For you it’s to promote a heart attack.
383 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Receptionist: Argh! My arm is so itchy. I’m, like, allergic to work!
Co-worker: Stop scratching; you are making it worse! At lunch, go
and get an antihistamine to stop the swelling.
Receptionist: Antihistamine or antiinflammatory? I think it’s
inflamed. What’s the difference anyway?
Co-worker: Antihistamine is something that is not histamine, and
antiinflammatory is something that’s not inflammatory.
Receptionist: So I’ll ask the chemist?
25 Parramatta Road
Underwood, Queensland
Australia
District Supervisor: Wait, maybe I misunderstood him, but was he saying “Bachelor’s Degree”?
Regional Manager: Actually, the words he used were “Bastard’s Degree.”
District Supervisor: Ha, ha! I thought so but I didn’t think he could be that ignorant.
Regional Manager: Well, he is a retarded ex-con with personality disorders.
District Supervisor: Yeah, you’re right.
3651 Cedarcrest Avenue
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Joshua Carpenter
Employee: What are you doing? Are you okay?
PR Manager: Ugh…Stretching. I slipped on the subway this morning.
Employee: Oh, it looks like you’re trying to…never mind.
11 Hanover Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts
