ER nurse #1: No, she wouldn’t let us. I’ve been trying for 20 minutes.
ER doctor: Well, then she needs to understand that we can’t establish the assault if we can’t get to the evidence.
ER nurse #1: I don’t think she cares. I mean, she wanted me to smell her underwear!
ER nurse #2: What? Did you?
ER nurse #1: Yeah. It didn’t help.
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: TK
20-ish male CNA: Hey, what’s a taint?
20-ish female nurse #1: Well, it ‘taint your balls, and it ‘taint your asshole — it’s in between.
20-ish female nurse #2: I don’t think I have a taint…
20-ish male CNA: I had a girlfriend in high school who used to like to put her tongue there!
130 2nd Street
Neenah, Wisconsin
Nurse: I have unusually large labia.
Other nurses: Ummm…
Hospital
New Hampshire
Overheard by: I Don’t
Crazy ER patient: I believe in the Lord! I believe in the Lord! I believe in the Lord!
Monotone nurse #1, taking vitals: Blood pressure, 150 over 80… Pulse, 110.
Nurse #2: Yes, yes, but does he believe in the Lord?
Monotone nurse #1: Haha. Hold him. [Jabs crazy patient with a needle.]Crazy ER patient: I believe in– Aaauuugh! You bitch!
Nurse #2: What about the Lord?
Crazy ER patient: Auuugh! Stop taking my blood, you bitch!
Colorado
Overheard by: TK
Nurse exiting patient’s room: I can’t find my vagina.
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: chippy
Nurse #1: Do you think it’s okay to eat this? It was in there with the specimen bag.
Nurse #2: Oh yeah, it’s fine.
Hospital
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: jessie spano
Local public radio reporter: Nurse Smith* is reponsible for the health of over 2,000 students in the school district, but she seems to know many of them individually and calls them by name as she passes them in the hallway.
School nurse, to kids: Hey, guys.
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Nurse on phone: I’m sorry, she said she doesn’t want to talk to you… Uh huh… Well, we can’t make a patient talk to someone on the phone… I’m sorry, that’s what she said. You’re her husband, right? Oh, you’re her mother! Just a moment, please.
10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Nursing Aide: What do I do?
CSR: Just fill out the brown application.
Nursing Aide: Okay, I filled out my name, but where do I put my address?
CSR: No ma’am, the brown application. That is a calendar.
99 Hudson Street
New York, NY
Overheard by: praying I don’t need medical attention
Nurse: Is there a reason that there’s a “no pregnant women” sign on that room? Because the patient in there is pregnant.
1500 East Medical Center Drive
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Maude Lynne
