Nurse: Is there a reason that there’s a “no pregnant women” sign on that room? Because the patient in there is pregnant.

1500 East Medical Center Drive
Ann Arbor, Michigan

Overheard by: Maude Lynne

Nurse #1: But don’t be swayed by the money.
Nurse #2: I’m not swayed by the money. I like being poor.

157 East 86th Street
New York, NY

Overheard by: Kira

Nurse: How did I know this elevator was going down?
Man: I don’t know; my guess would be the down arrow above the
door, though…

Davis Avenue at East Post Road
White Plains, New York

Patient: Stop raping me!
Nurse #1: Did I just hear that?
Nurse #2: She has been yelling it all day.

Randolph Road
Plainfield, New Jersey

Secretary: I could swear that I read that if you have a death in the family you automatically get two days off.
Nurse: Well, I looked it up in the protocol. You can have days off, but they’re just regular PTO.
Secretary: Right, I know they’re PTO, but I swear I read that they’re automatic if you have a death in the family.
Nurse: No, it’s like any other PTO, you have to have them approved by your supervisor.
Secretary: I swear I read that you get those days off for a family death.
Nurse: Well, I’m sure every supervisor would be happy to quickly approve your PTO if someone dies.
Secretary: Yeah, but I swear I read somewhere that you get two days automatically for that.
Nurse: Please, tell me one more time about how you read that somewhere.

Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina

Nurse to another: Usually, a parent has lots of children, and they touch all their children and wait for them to go away.

Bellevue, Washington

Nurse: How much do you weigh these days?
Patient: A hundred twenty-one pounds.
Nurse: And the scale you are using is accurate?

Doctor’s office

Nurse to paramedic pushing stretcher and IV pole: Would you like me to guide your pole?

Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: Deena

Nurse #1: And I don’t know. I just started having this anxiety attack.
Nurse #2: Well, on the bright side, I just made a Klan hood for my finger.

Royal Oak, Michigan

Receptionist: I have great news!
Nurse: What?
Receptionist: I got accepted into grad school! But I’m scared.
Nurse: Why?
Receptionist: I haven’t been in school in a long time.
Nurse: You’ll be fine — it’s like falling off a duck’s back.

1917 20th Street South
Birmingham, Alabama

Overheard by: Eavesdropping grad student