Semi technologically-challenged nurse practitioner: Everything is going to my draft box.

Aventura, Florida

Overheard by: Lizzo

Nurse: How have your bowel movements been?
Elderly man: Oh, very good, thank you! Would you like to see?

New York City, New York

Overheard by: Molly

Nurse #1: It’s more important that we get rid of the dead things in the clinic.
Nurse #2: The smell’s still there?
Nurse #3: Have you tried spraying the air with something?

1230 York Avenue
New York, NY

Overheard by: Molly the Mole

Nurse: Have you ever done any other drugs? Cocaine? Meth?
Patient: I have loved meth since the day it was introduced to me.

Gall Boulevard
Zephyrhills, Florida

Nurse #1: I have the worst zit right now.
Nurse #2: Seriously, I'm like a walking ad for herpes!

Salt Lake City, Utah

Overheard by: Hoping you're only talking about that cold sore…

Nurse: I graduated with marijuana honors. I had one rolled under my cap and gown.

Edison, New Jersey

Rep: What’s a vaginal dilator?
Nurse: A penis?

4645 East Cotton Center Boulevard
Phoenix, Arizona

Director of nursing: I mean, you gotta be able to recognize the signs and be able to say, ‘That’s not a fear of dying, that’s constipation!’

Denver, Colorado

Nurse aide #1: I was up all day watching the old Batman marathon today.
Nurse aide #2: The one with Adam West, right?
Nurse aide #1: Yep, the original.

Bed alarm sounds in the back hall.

Nurse aide #2: Holy Alzheimer’s, Batman!

1111 Crater Lake
Medford, Oregon

Nurse: You’re not a weird old lady. Stop it.

Ivyland, Pennsylvania