Age and ageing

Employee: Do you always have to act like a child?
Manager: This company is all about innovation. And studies have consistently shown that the most innovative thought comes from the ages of five and under.

31601 Pacific Hwy South
Federal Way, Washington

Co-worker #1: I just got tricked into using a pen that shocked me!
Co-worker #2: Oh, no. You okay?
Co-worker #1: Well, shocking throws off your electroids…
Co-worker #2: Electroids? What are those?
Co-worker #1: …Well, electroid is not in here, but this is an old dictionary.

600 Willowbrook Office Park
Fairport, New York

Co-worker #1: There’s so much free food in this office!
Co-worker #2: At least we’re young and not obese.
Co-worker #1: Seriously…when you turn 45 and you’re working for the State, they should just pay for your gastric bypass surgery.

The Capitol Building
400 South Monroe Street
Tallahassee, Florida

Overheard by: Kara M.

Male in next cubicle, about a scar: I have one, but it's under my pants.
Female work bee: Well, let me see it. (pause) Wow, that's huge!
Male: I know, I've had it since I was little.

El Paso, Texas

Overheard by: Daniel

Publicist: It was amazing. Stevie could do everything. He could leave his apartment, go to the elevator, everything.
Proofer: Wow. He didn’t even need a cane?
Publicist: Of course not; he’s not that old.

1438 North Gower Street
Los Angeles, California

Man: *Erica, the phone’s for you.
Old coworker: What?
Man: It’s for *Erica!
Old man: Oh, ok. [picks up the phone] Hello?… Oh, hold on. [puts phone down] *Erica, the phone’s for you!

Washington Navy Yard
Washington, DC

Older man checking in at resort: Do I sign where it says “signature”?

Hilton Head Island, South Carolina

Teacher: My birthday is tomorrow. I can't believe I'm going to be 35!
Student teacher: I'm only 23.
Teacher: When I was 23, I was going to chapel at university while smoking pot!

Tulsa, Oklahoma

Overheard by: Really??

Woman on phone with client: Let me put this to you another way: you pay for four hours with a whore. You buy her a catsuit. At the end of that time, you don't own the whore. You may still retain the catsuit but what good will that do you, since you're a 45-year-old balding fat guy? You might as well leave the catsuit with the whore.

Defense Contractor
Andover, Massachusetts

Male coworker: The first time I shit in school was in eleventh grade. It was during Chemistry, after gym class. It was on that day I became a man. Since then I’ll shit anywhere, basically.

1372 Broadway
New York, New York

Overheard by: ILmatic