Senior manager: Hi, honey, how was your day?
Kid on speakerphone: If you were here, you’d know.
42nd Street and Madison Avenue
New York, New York
Senior manager: Hi, honey, how was your day?
Kid on speakerphone: If you were here, you’d know.
42nd Street and Madison Avenue
New York, New York
Woman: That’s why I’m glad I only have one kid — I can’t keep up with all the names.
Sunset Boulevard
Lexington, South Carolina
Overheard by: LL
Woman on phone with son: Jason*! Jason! I can’t talk to you now. I’m in a meeting… I know I’m always in a meeting… I can’t try not to schedule meetings when you get out of school. Yes, you can talk to me for three hours when I get home… I can’t listen to what happened to you today, Jason! Don’t call me back, do you hear me, Jason?! [Hangs up phone. It rings again.] Oh my god, why do kids need attention?!
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Cubicle Right Outside
Big mama running after child: Get over here!
Child: Nuh-uh [runs away].
Big mama, clenching teeth: I said get over here!
Child, terrified: No!
Big mama: Do you want to see the magical lions and rabbits outside?
Child: Oh! Yes!
Katy Mills Shopping Center
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Omid
Young man #1: Would you rather take a shit right here in the mall and get arrested and laughed at, or have Mike Ditka sit on your face?
Young man #2: Dude, I’m on the phone… No, Mom, that was just some guy… Mike Ditka is an old football coach, Mom… No, he’s not here, he’s in Hollywood or somethin’.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Soccer mom #1: The other night I saw a homeless man on the ground. It looked like he had fallen out of his wheelchair.
Soccer mom #2: Oh, no! Did you help him get back in it?
Soccer mom #3: No, you really shouldn’t, because he could hurt you.
Soccer mom #2: … Or bite you.
Scranton, Pennsylvania
Mother to son behind the curtain: If you don’t behave, I’m not going to take you to the hospital ever again.
Franklin Square Hospital
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Brain Surgeon
Dad’s friend: So, your daughter turns 34 tomorrow?
Dad: Yeah, I sent her a card.
Dad’s friend: What does it say?
Dad: ‘Happy Birthday, Sweetie. You’ve finally grown into your bra size.’
Prudential Plaza
Chicago, Illinois
Man: Are you 21?
Teen girl: I’m 16.
Man: Oh, I was going to buy you your first in-flight drink.
Woman sitting behind them: I’m her mother. You can buy me a drink.
Flight from Michigan to Phoenix
Overheard by: Enigmae
Mother: What are you going to have?
Daughter: Chicken nuggets and a Dr Pepper.
Mother: I’m not getting you a Dr Pepper. It’s not good for you.
Daughter: Fine. I’ll have a Coke.
Mother: That’s better.
McDonald’s
Tennessee
