Builder #1: Do we have a hole puncher?
Builder #2: Yeah, it’s over there near Diane’s* fat arse.
Builder #1: You can’t say that! That’s sexual harrassment! Diane, don’t worry, love. You’ve got a great arse.
Construction Site Office
Townsville, Australia
Overheard by: Naomi
Secretary: Put it in! Put it in! Faster, c’mon! I can’t take it, put it in! [Giggles]Worker: Ready? Here we go. [Excessive grunting]Secretary: Oh yeah, that feels great! Oh, yes.
Boss walks by. Looks in office.
Boss: What the hell is going on here?
Secretary: He just put the air conditioner in!
2000 Peel Street
Montreal, Quebec
Overheard by: Monika
Interviewer #1: You have had many jobs at that same company. Can you describe your work environment?
Forty-six-year-old proper woman: My company liked to move us around a lot so we got experience in different departments.
Interviewer #1: Was this a standard practice?
Woman: Oh, yes. They did that for everyone working at the restaurant’s HQ. Every six months we would move from department to department. We liked to call it “tossing the salad.”
Interviewer #1: Excuse me?
Interviewer #2: [Spits out his water.]Interviewers #3,4, and 5: [Look away and laugh uncontrollably]Woman: I got my salad tossed every six months, but in the past year moved it up to every three months. It’s all part of the manager training program.
Interviewer #6: Did you like getting your salad tossed?
Woman: Yes, I did.
Interviewer #6: It must take some getting used to. We have never tossed salads here, but that is not to say we won’t someday.
Woman: I would highly recommend it.
Church Street
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: PS
Coworker: It’s easy to determine who needs to take a sexual harassment class; just ask the person if “harass” is one word or two. If they say two, they need to take the class.
1200 Sovereign Row
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Not the guy who needs the class
Worker on phone: What time does she get in?…That’s kind of late. I’ll leave Lydia* with my mom, no reason to drag her all they way to the airport and back. Maybe we can find some place to have sex in the car on the way down there…Maybe I shouldn’t say stuff like that when I don’t have a ceiling or real walls.
333 Bush Street
San Francisco, California
Female: My nipples are boring.
Male: Does our insurance cover that?
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Employee: I’ve never traveled for work before. Is there a per diem, or…?
Boss: Well, there’s an allowance of ten dollars a day for breakfast, fifteen dollars a day for lunch, and twenty-five dollars a day for dinner. So, fifty dollars a day. But save all your receipts, you have to turn all of them in to get credit for what you spend.
Employee: So if I ate a banana for breakfast and a banana for lunch…could I go to a Braves game at night?
Boss: [squinting] Uh…
Employee: Okay, how about this: a banana for breakfast, a banana for lunch, and prostitutes in the hotel room?
Boss: You know, why don’t you go to a Braves game?
Employee: That sounds great, thank you!
12920 SE 38th Street
Bellevue, Washington
Boss: When you tie something around your mouth so that you can’t make sound, what’s that called?
Trainee: What?
Boss: Like if somebody is tied up and you put a rag in their mouth, what’s that called?
Trainee: A gag?
Boss: How is that spelled?
Trainee: Uhhh…G-A-G.
Boss: How about gagged? Like, somebody is bound and gagged.
Trainee: G-A-G-G-E-D…what the hell?
Boss: It’s all part of your training.
550 Eagles Landing Parkway
Stockbridge, Georgia
Female employee #1: They’re interviewing that guy for the new position.
Female employee #2: No, they can’t. We need to hire another woman.
Female employee #1: No way. [whispering] Women are bitches.
1001 North 19th Street
Arlington, Virginia
Waitress #1: The chicken is layered with proscuitto, sage, and pecorino cheese…
Customer snickers.
Waitress #1: What’s so funny?
Customer: It’s just… the cheese! [snickers again]
Waitress #1 to waitress #2: What is funny about pecorino cheese?
Waitress # 2: You said “pecker.”
Victorian Square
Sparks, Nevada
Overheard by: waitress # 1
