Abs instructor pointing out muscle groups: That’s the great thing about being the instructor — you get to touch.
Army base
Iraq
Overheard by: The Touched
Abs instructor pointing out muscle groups: That’s the great thing about being the instructor — you get to touch.
Army base
Iraq
Overheard by: The Touched
Attorney on phone: Yeah, I told my wife I’d be home late. We can get together for an hour or two. Can’t wait to feel you inside me.
Broad Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Nurse exiting patient’s room: I can’t find my vagina.
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: chippy
Boss: I hate rubbing my hands on that while I’m banging away, so I cover all of the crevices with tape.
Portland, Oregon
Male coworker wearing striped shirt: Hey, nice shirt — we match!
Female coworker: Oh, yeah, we do.
Male coworker: We could do a dance or something. We already have matching costumes.
Female coworker: Or we could strip!
Male coworker: [Laughs nervously and walks away.]
Massachusetts
Receptionist: Thank you for calling ABC Company*. How may I assist you?
Caller: Is Bob*, Tom*, or Larry* available?
Receptionist: Yes, sir, all three are available. Do you have a preference?
Caller: Sexual?
Receptionist: [Long, awkward silence.] No, sir, I meant do you have a preference for who you’d like to speak to?
Caller: Um… Just pick whoever’s cutest and makes more money.
Receptionist: Ummm… Okay… It’s a pleasure to connect you…
16th Street and L Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: I can’t believe I work here…
Lady: Hey, Derek*, will you let me paint your toenails?
Man: Will you give me a blowjob?
Lady: … Sure.
Man: Do the blowjob first.
3301 North Mulford Road
Rockford, Illinois
Overheard by: what office is this?
Coworker in middle of parking lot, screaming into cell: You can admit to having your dick in my ass, but you can’t admit to that bitch you love me?! You bastard!
Alpharetta, Georgia
Peon: Wow! I wouldn’t sit on that even if its mouth was taped shut.
9070 Junction Drive
Annapolis Junction, Maryland
Boss to another: Do not look up Care Bear porn!
1440 South Clearview Avenue
Mesa, Arizona
