Trainee: My boyfriend likes this perfume. He says it smells like the inside of a clean woman.
Training class, Cosmetic company
California
Trainee: My boyfriend likes this perfume. He says it smells like the inside of a clean woman.
Training class, Cosmetic company
California
Consultant: Pedophiles? Is that my cue?
175 South 3rd Street
Columbus, Ohio
Worker bee #1: FYI, dude, don’t email the CEO on things that don’t concern you. I was already handling that with Dick.
Worker bee #2: I’m sorry, did something happen?
Worker bee #1: Yeah, he flipped out! You just missed my ass getting totally reamed out by Dick! [Long pause.] Did I just say what I thi–
Worker bee #2: –Yeah, you did.
Worker bee #1: Fuck! I’m calling him Richard from now on!
Tysons Corner, Virginia
Male law student #1: In chambers the judge said that as soon as those guys get to prison somebody is going to make them their bitch.
Male law student #2: So he said they’d pretty much be full-on ass-raped? Just like that?
Male law student #1: Yeah, pretty much.
Male law student #2: God, that’d be horrible.
Female law student #1: Unless you were gay. Then it’d be like heaven!
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Attaboy Finch
Girl employee: Ouch.
Guy employee: Oh, sorry. Okay, it’s not going to work from the front, let’s try it from behind.
14225 Newbrook Drive
Chantilly, Virginia
Lady: Does your massage therapist work through knots well?
Guy: Yeah, and she even has this jackhammer apparatus to do your butt with.
400 West Capitol
Little Rock, Arkansas
Overheard by: Sounds Scary!
Principal over loudspeaker: We’re looking for someone to give us wood.
4 Robert Holcomb Way
Plainville, Connecticut
Overheard by: for a good cause
Ditzy babe: Mr. Allen*? In the reading last night it said that semen had a high sugar content. Is that right?
Mr. Allen: That’s right.
Ditzy babe: So, does that mean it’s bad for your teeth?
AP Biology class
Rochester, New York
Guy to coworker sitting on exercise ball at computer: Well, I’ll just let you get on with your ball massage.
39 Norwich-Westerly Road
Mashantucket, Connecticut
Overheard by: Calamity Canyon
Coworker #1: Did Jim* tell you that you had to sniff these to make sure the sensors weren’t burnt?
Coworker #2: Sniff what?
Coworker #1: These units.
Coworker #2: No, Jim did not ask if I would sniff units.
133 Aviation Boulevard
Santa Rosa, California
