Worker bee: How many more times are you going to touch those?
Parham Road
Richmond, Virginia
Worker bee: How many more times are you going to touch those?
Parham Road
Richmond, Virginia
Account executive: Is child porn wrong if only children see it?
330 East Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois
Forklift driver: I need to reload this overweight [truck]. Do I need to unload the ass to put these two in the belly, or should I just throw them on?
Supervisor: Really, I would prefer them in the ass.
Iowa
Owner of company: That, coming out of a midget, would kick ass!
111 Oak Street
Bonner Springs, Kansas
Abs instructor pointing out muscle groups: That’s the great thing about being the instructor — you get to touch.
Army base
Iraq
Overheard by: The Touched
Attorney on phone: Yeah, I told my wife I’d be home late. We can get together for an hour or two. Can’t wait to feel you inside me.
Broad Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Nurse exiting patient’s room: I can’t find my vagina.
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: chippy
Boss: I hate rubbing my hands on that while I’m banging away, so I cover all of the crevices with tape.
Portland, Oregon
Male coworker wearing striped shirt: Hey, nice shirt — we match!
Female coworker: Oh, yeah, we do.
Male coworker: We could do a dance or something. We already have matching costumes.
Female coworker: Or we could strip!
Male coworker: [Laughs nervously and walks away.]
Massachusetts
Receptionist: Thank you for calling ABC Company*. How may I assist you?
Caller: Is Bob*, Tom*, or Larry* available?
Receptionist: Yes, sir, all three are available. Do you have a preference?
Caller: Sexual?
Receptionist: [Long, awkward silence.] No, sir, I meant do you have a preference for who you’d like to speak to?
Caller: Um… Just pick whoever’s cutest and makes more money.
Receptionist: Ummm… Okay… It’s a pleasure to connect you…
16th Street and L Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: I can’t believe I work here…
