Intern: I’m sorry that I didn’t turn in my time sheet on Friday. I was on vacation and didn’t have access to a computer.
Payroll official: Well, I’ll let it go this time. Just don’t keep us in lingo again.
130 Cremona Drive
Santa Barbara, California
Overheard by: A disbelieving employee
Tech #1: Did you see this consumer complaint? “Your cereal gave me herpes and AIDS.” I guess we’re giving out AIDS as a special promotion.
Tech #2: We’re putting blood in the product now?
Tech #1: Knowing this place, more likely it’s semen.
901 East Whitmore
Modesto, California
Overheard by: Changing my breakfast plans
Staffer: I understand you want to complete a living will.
Patient: That’s right.
Staffer: Do you know what this means?
Patient: Yes, it means I don’t want to be kept alive if I’m in a persistent vegetarian state.
10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Coworker: I didn’t mean to diss Madonna! It’s just that I feel at this moment in my life, I’m over her.
163 Freelon Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Eve S. Dropper
Secretary: So, the next time you shut the door to take one of your sex calls, I’m going to nail it closed!
311 Main Road
Point Mugu, California
Overheard by: mookie
Coworker #1: Have you been to Joey’s*? It’s awesome.
Coworker #2: Not in a long time. Not since it was a deli.
Coworker #1: Oh, you should go. They have those big hooba wooba pipes…Hooba booba…Hooba hooba pipes?
Coworker #2: Do you mean hookas?
Coworker #1: Yeah.
330 Garden Street
Santa Barbara, California
Overheard by: Violet White
Coworker on the phone: I’ve been doing the balls and it’s been working.
6412 Maple
Westminster, California
Operations manager: We have to work on communication. We are not communicating with each other. It’s a fault of everybody’s, not to say it’s a fault, but it is a weakness — not just of mine but of everyone’s. Maybe not a weakness so much as a failing.
1190 North Del Rio Place
Ontario, California
CSR: Seriously, when you think you’ve gotten the weirdest call you could get…someone calls about a conch shell.
11150 Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Lindroid
Coworker: Apparently somebody took the RAM out of my computer and replaced it with crap.
3 Infinite Loop
Cupertino, California
