California

I Bet I Can Locate the Dimmest One in the Store

Customer: Could you tell me where the Amaryllis bulbs are?
Clerk #1: Hey, do you know where we keep the bulbs?
Clerk #2: I think they’re on Aisle Four — y’know, with the other electrical stuff.
Clerk #1, to customer: Did you check there? That’s where we keep the bulbs.
Customer: No, no, no — they’re flowers! Do you have any?
Clerk #1: Well, I’m pretty sure we’ve got bulbs. Did you need a three-way one, or a regular one? You should check on Aisle Four, then.

1690 Grande Avenue
Arroyo Grande, California

Overheard by: Blue

Like My Wedding

IT guy: Someone better jump out of a cake later and scream, ‘Gender surprise’!

Silverlake, California

First, They Walk into a Bar

Suit: So, your friend is Puerto Rican and he’s donating a kidney to a Jew? How can they do that?

California Street
San Francisco, California

How Bleu Cheese Dressing Was Invented

Cube dweller: The ranch is very weird today. Not weird-bad, but weird-tangy. It’s like they put some extra zest in it. [Later] Maybe that ranch wasn’t tangy so much as… gone bad.

11150 Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, California

But I Understand That Hooters Girls Can Be Scary

Senior director to group of scientists: Well, it’s not like they’re just licking each other’s boobies!

Bay Area, California

Overheard by: marblecargirl

Isn’t Everyone’s?

Photographer: Are you saying my cock is funny?

Culver City, California

Overheard by: LaLa Land

Wait, No – That’s Why I’m Afraid of Fire

Woman: You know I’m afraid of birds, don’t you? It’s because of that movie and the time my mother burned down a gas station.

Cal State Northridge
Northridge, California

Overheard by: Scott

Okay, I Have to Get Off — Bye, Now!

Garbageman on phone: I am calling in sick. I took some Cialis and I have had an erection for more than four hours… Has anyone used that excuse before?
Dispatcher: No, not that I recall.

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: dispatcher who has heard it all

Very ’80s

Worker #1: Wow, that’s a large bush, Pat*.
Worker #2: Yeah…
Worker #1: I mean, it’s nice! Do you think it’s large?
Worker #2: A little, but I like it.

1700 Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: stephanie

Or One Person, for Seven and a Half Hours

Client: I just want to touch a hundred and fifty people a day for three minutes.

Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: 1 or 2 at a time?

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