Garbageman on phone: I am calling in sick. I took some Cialis and I have had an erection for more than four hours… Has anyone used that excuse before?
Dispatcher: No, not that I recall.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: dispatcher who has heard it all
Worker #1: Wow, that’s a large bush, Pat*.
Worker #2: Yeah…
Worker #1: I mean, it’s nice! Do you think it’s large?
Worker #2: A little, but I like it.
1700 Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: stephanie
Client: I just want to touch a hundred and fifty people a day for three minutes.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: 1 or 2 at a time?
Chick: I can’t pee when the janitor is in there.
Dude: What, it throws you off? Try peeing while Al Gore is peeing right next to you on his phone. I usually just turn around and walk right back out.
King Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: misnomer
Bimbette: I need a shorter stud for my Monroe piercing ’cause I can’t go down on my boyfriend. And… I like to do that.
Piercer: That sucks for both of you then, because you can’t have a shorter stud in yet.
Bimbette: I can’t suck dick! [Her mom leaves the store.]
Lake Forest, California
Overheard by: indigo_dream
Coworker #1: I remember trying heroin once. It was the only time I managed to beat my aunt at Scrabble.
Coworker #2: Dude, that’s like doing coke and kicking back with a puzzle!
600 Anton Boulevard
Costa Mesa, California
Analyst #1: It’s perfect — it’s like a unicorn.
Analyst #2: We’ll see some disagreements on perfect.
Empire Avenue
Burbank, California
Overheard by: Statja K
Associate: Dude, I just saw my first hot Wal-Mart employee!
RadioShack
California
Overheard by: DRM
Hospital employee #1: Hey, girl! You going to the club tonight?
Hoochie hospital employee: Yep!
Hospital employee #2: And how are those kids doing?
Hoochie hospital employee: My son has pneumonia, but everyone else is alright.
1600 Harrison Street
Oakland, California
Overheard by: Jefferson Smoyle
Mid-level manager #1: I’ve become a running joke.
Mid-level manager #2: Really? I didn’t know you knew that.
Mid-level manager #1: [Long pause] I just caught on.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Cube dweller
