TA: Okay, I want you all to close your eyes and imagine a woman. Now, what does she look like? Give me features.
Student #1: She has dark hair.
TA: Okay, good. Anything else?
Student #2, enthusiastically: She’s naked!
301 Heller Drive
Santa Cruz, California
High school girl: I’m gonna name a cheese after you, Mr. L.*!
Mr. L.: If you actually had the power to do that, I’d be very flattered.
West Santa Clara Street
Arcadia, California
Overheard by: The Know It All
Manager: We really need some good ideas that senior management can throw darts at.
Underling: Hmmm…
Manager: Yeah, they don’t know what they want, but they’ll know when they see it. Then they’ll have something to throw darts at.
San Diego, California
Engineer: Is your boss in? We have a problem — we have a little Aryan friend up on the second floor.
QA tech: No, he’s on vacation… Wait — we have what?
Engineer: A little Aryan friend flying around on the second floor.
QA tech: … Ohhh — ‘avian.’
Engineer: Yeah, what did I say?
Modesto, California
Overheard by: That’s not my job.
Manager: Man, you guys from Alabama are hard-core putting someone getting the chair on the back of your quarter.
Boss from Alabama: That’s not someone getting the chair — that’s Helen Keller!
Manager: You guys electrocuted Helen Keller?!
Campus Point Drive
San Diego, California
Voice on PA: Can we get a customer service in the women’s room?
Safeway
Gilroy, California
Overheard by: mind in the gutter
Coworker: Every time he gets out of jail I end up pregnant.
Masonic Drive
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Nurse
Girl: I don’t care! I am all for police brutality. Seriously! I don’t care!
900 University Avenue
Riverside, California
Overheard by: i live too close to los angeles
Lawyer #1: Is ‘Rebel Yell’ on the CD? I sing that in the shower… And I find myself punching my fist up into the sky… in rebellion.
Lawyer #2: Wow.
Lawyer #1: My wife really enjoys it.
Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: AJF
High school senior #1: That’s an awesome bruise you’ve got there.
High school senior #2: Yeah, I punched a squid. You know that’s how we get ink? We squeeze them.
High school
Arcadia, California
Overheard by: Alleged pre-calc student
