Tech guy: Yeah, Betty* left a Post-it at my desk because her computer was broken — it wouldn’t turn on, but then when I got there it seemed to be fine.
HR rep: Oh, she actually came to me about it so I just left the Post-it for her just in case, but I’m pretty sure the reason it wouldn’t turn on was because she was pressing the big round Dell symbol instead of the start button.
5700 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: I can turn on my computer
Trainee: My boyfriend likes this perfume. He says it smells like the inside of a clean woman.
Training class, Cosmetic company
California
Dude #1: That’s impossible.
Dude #2: No, it isn’t. I’ve seen a chick do it with a blender before.
Dude #1: Holy shit.
Sacramento City College
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Melissa
Male law student #1: In chambers the judge said that as soon as those guys get to prison somebody is going to make them their bitch.
Male law student #2: So he said they’d pretty much be full-on ass-raped? Just like that?
Male law student #1: Yeah, pretty much.
Male law student #2: God, that’d be horrible.
Female law student #1: Unless you were gay. Then it’d be like heaven!
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Attaboy Finch
Guy #1: How was your meeting?
Guy #2: Short and sweet — I have absolutely no action items, except for one.
2141 Rosecrans Avenue
El Segundo, California
Overheard by: they think my iPod is on
Two-year-old girl singing: Get the money, get the beer, get the money, get the beer…
Dressing room, Fashion Q
Granada Hills, California
Overheard by: Saucy
Mailroom worker: I can’t take him to the Christmas party — he oh beast!
Receptionist: He’s a beast? You mean he’s ugly?
Mailroom worker: No, he’s fat. Like really fat. He’s oh beast.
Floor 7, 9460 Wilshire Boulevard
Beverly Hills, California
Blonde: So, have you taken any Lamaze or yoga classes to help with the birth?
Preggers: No, the thought of having to be around all those pregnant women made me sick.
Oakland, California
Coworker #1: Man, my digital camera broke. Now the sky turns pink and clouds appear green.
Coworker #2: Oh, really? That sucks.
Coworker #1: In the pictures, I mean.
Coworker #2: [Silence.]
19111 Pruneridge Avenue
Cupertino, California
Office girl with flower arrangement: Look! Look what I got!
Office manager: Wow! Where did you get those from?
Office girl: The girls that helped me chair the dinner. Oh! Look, [gushing as she reads the card], ‘From two bitches to the biggest bitch we know!’ Oh! How sweet!
Office manager: That is just so sweet of them!
Girl and manager, together: Awww!
Hanford, California
Overheard by: not one of her bitches
