CSR: I feel bad though that I’m leaving — I really like it here.
Manager: Oh, don’t feel bad. We got our money’s worth out of you.
Supervisor: Uh.
Manager: Um, I know, that sounds bad, huh. What I mean is that we, as a company, would much rather hire smart people who leave after two years than stupid people who stay here for, like, forty.
CSR: Thanks?
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Manager: The organization just gets bloated. There are all these Vice Presidents, and each of them has 10 or 12 locations reporting to him. And they all need resources, so he puts his team together. Sometimes you just need an enema.
901 East Whitmore Avenue
Modesto, California
Co-worker #1: I have my big meeting tomorrow.
Co-worker #2: What meeting?
Co-worker #1: You know! The meeting where I’m going to stand up and say, “Fuck this! I quit!”
122 South Main Street
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Manager: It would be misleading of me to tell you that there was any hope of you having a job.
1919 Swift Drive
Oak Brook, Illinois
Manager: If it didn’t mean I would have to interview new people I would lobby to have half the staff here fired
2345 Crystal Drive
Arlington, Virginia
Worker #1: Yeah, maybe he wasn’t the best intern.
Worker #2: How was I supposed to know he’d go off his meds?
Worker #1: He sure did love opening mail, though.
Worker #2: Yeah. He sure did love opening mail.
270 Lafayette Street
New York, NY
Candidate: Do you have a listing of job openings?
HR Secretary: Yes, there is a list on the blue piece of paper on the table.
Candidate: Which one?
HR Secretary: The blue piece of paper.
Candidate: This one?
HR Secretary: Yes.
Candidate: I’m not qualified for any of these. Do you have any other positions open?
HR Secretary: Did you turn it over? There are more job listings on the back.
Candidate: Oh.
155 Deer Hill Avenue
Danbury, Connecticut
Co-worker #1: I can’t believe that they fired that temp.
Co-worker #2: Yeah, he wasn’t working very hard and he was goofing off.
Co-worker #1: That’s not very fair. By the way, do you have the new football pool sheet? I lost mine.
4950 College Boulevard
Leawood, Kansas
Overheard by: Ron Zinn
Boss: [Elizabeth], we wish you the best. You are a nice person and if you ever want to come back to work here, you are welcome. Now where is [Rachel]? [Rachel], do you want to say a few words? Because I can only comment on [Elizabeth] as a person, not her work.
1425 New York Avenue NW
Washington, DC
Lawyer #1: What does that mean again?
Lawyer #2: Listen, if you can’t figure out this report, you’re fired.
452 5th Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Bob
