North Carolina

Junior Help Desk Agent: Nothing makes her happy. All she does is complain. I would hate to be her husband.
Senior Help Desk Agent: Uh, Joe, that is the speakerphone button, not the on-hold button.
User on speaker: Do you think you can stop ranting and help “the bitch” now?

8001 Development Drive
Research Triangle Park, North Carolina

Overheard by: EL Gee

Designer: Hey, you left your turn signal on. Better turn it off or you’ll run out of blinker fluid.
Secretary: Oh, okay. I don’t even know how to check that. I’ll have the guy at the dealership fill it next time.

201 Forrester Drive
Greenville, South Carolina

Overheard by: Ape

Peon #1: Those Jordanians are really teed off.
Peon #2: Is that even a word?

9115 Harris Corners Parkway
Charlotte, North Carolina

Boss: Did you hear about the terrorist attacks in Jordan?
Secretary: Um, yes; a suicide bomber killed hundreds of people at a wedding.
Boss: You see, you shouldn’t attend so many weddings. The odds are against you.

10550 North Torrey Pines Road
La Jolla, California

Woman on conference call: I'm going to put together all these papers we discussed and copulate them.

Research Triangle Park, North Carolina

Tech #1: I’m starving. I should live off of my excess fat, like a doughboy.
Tech #2: I’ve never seen the Pillsbury Doughboy eat. He’s always right by food but never takes any.
Tech #1: Exactly… Hey, do you think if he ate a biscuit he would get the doughboy version of mad cow?

109 T.W. Alexander Drive
Durham, North Carolina

Female staffer #1: Yeah, we need to get us a gas-powered hedge trimmer.
Male staffer: Yeah, we have an electric, but it’s battery-operated. And the battery only lasts about ten minutes, so it’s like Extreme Speed Trimming. We have to get to that bush fast before the battery runs out.
Female staffer #2: Are y’all talking about vibrators?
Male staffer: Uh, well, sort of, except this one has teeth that chop long skinny things in half.
Female staffer #2: Oooh, kinky! Where’d you get it?

10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina

Staffer #1: Well, thanks, everyone, for not telling me my fly was open.
Staffer #2: Your fly was open?
Staff #1: Yes. I just now looked down, and there it was, wide open! You didn’t notice?
Staffer #2: Well, I don’t spend a large portion of the day staring at your crotch.
Staffer #3: Yeah, I only do it during our morning update meetings.

10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina

Recruiter on phone: He's a hell of a configurer, but he just couldn't stay off crack.

Durham, North Carolina

Cashier: Hi! How are you doing?
Customer, sighing: I’m 83 years old, my kids don’t visit me and when they do their kids annoy the fuck out of me, I haven’t had sex in 20 years, and you’re out of my favorite ice cream.
Cashier: Look, lady, I didn’t really care — next time just freaking smile and say, ‘I’m fine, how are you?’ Now… Have a good day.
Customer: Thank you. See you tomorrow.

Piggly Wiggly
Farmville, North Carolina

Overheard by: MB

Sales guy #1: You know, this hand sanitizer stuff. Can you like.. wash with it?

Uncertain silence.

Sales guy #1: Like, wash your whole body?
Sales guy #2: Well, you’re going to need a bigger bottle.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina