Regional Director: So our biggest problem last year was we tried to take over the whole world, and the whole world is a big place. We need to think small, concentrate on taking over individual countries first…like Wisconsin.

2100 South Priest Drive
Tempe, Arizona

Analyst #1: I hate going into that lunchroom when the people from claims are in there having a potluck.
Analyst #2: I know, it’s like the bar scene in Star Wars.

4645 East Cotton Center Bouelvard
Phoenix, Arizona

The boss is at his desk playing a video game when a co-worker approaches.

Co-worker: Do you mind if I step outside for a moment to make a personal call?
Boss: Can’t it wait? We’re not paying you to do nothing.

510 South 52nd Street
Tempe, Arizona

Student worker: So, Joe* only got through four buckets today, so can I just do four buckets and go home?
Supervisor: No, you can’t, because Joe washed all the buckets that were over there and built that huge pyramid with them.
Student worker: Awww, man! How can I compete with him when he builds pyramids?

1145 East 4th Street
Tucson, Arizona

Overheard by: Rasputin

IT chick: Okay, okay, slow down… Your mouse isn’t working? [Pause] Ma’am… Ma’am, pick it up off the floor.

Internet domain registrar company
Scottsdale, Arizona

Writer: ‘Portly’ sounds cute. Sounds like a nice, bald, fat man in a three-piece suit.
Designer: ‘Portly’ sounds like someone with grease stains on their shirt from dropping a piece of chicken.
Writer: That’s not ‘portly!’ That’s obese!
Designer: What’s the difference?
Writer: Obese is like those Subway ads before Jared lost his weight. When he was all wild-eyed and savage. Clothes all stretched out, nothing laundered, brimming with Big Macs and Crisco sandwhiches.
Designer: They should outlaw Crisco. Just straight out make it a crime.
Writer: Yeah.

16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona

Boss: We are a team. If you tell me that you cannot work on your day off, then you are not being a very good team member.

1119 N. Brown
Casa Grande, Arizona

Overheard by: Alisa

Boss: No, trust me. The last thing you want to do is bring your spouse on a company Las Vegas trip. You’ll be divorced by the time you get home.
Salesman: Oh, really?
Boss: You know, because of all the drugs… and hookers.
Salesman: Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

9633 South 48th Street
Phoenix, Arizona

Co-worker #1: What’s the matter?
Co-worker #2: I’m cold.
Co-worker #1: How can you be cold? It’s Friday.
Co-worker #2: …What?

1944 East Sky Harbor Circle
Phoenix, Arizona

Cube rat: Hell, we were finding underwear on top of the refrigerator for two weeks.

400 N 5th Street
Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: AndyDan