First They Came for the Trans-Fats and I Didn’t Speak up

Writer: ‘Portly’ sounds cute. Sounds like a nice, bald, fat man in a three-piece suit.
Designer: ‘Portly’ sounds like someone with grease stains on their shirt from dropping a piece of chicken.
Writer: That’s not ‘portly!’ That’s obese!
Designer: What’s the difference?
Writer: Obese is like those Subway ads before Jared lost his weight. When he was all wild-eyed and savage. Clothes all stretched out, nothing laundered, brimming with Big Macs and Crisco sandwhiches.
Designer: They should outlaw Crisco. Just straight out make it a crime.
Writer: Yeah.

16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona

Posted on March 5, 2023
Arizona, Crimes, Designers and Photographers, Diet & Weight, Meals and Snacks, Physical Appearance, Words, Writers and Editors

9AM Back to Work

Boss: We are a team. If you tell me that you cannot work on your day off, then you are not being a very good team member.

1119 N. Brown
Casa Grande, Arizona

Overheard by: Alisa

Posted on January 12, 2023
Arizona, Bosses and Underlings, Dumb Bosses, General Idiocy

I Can’t Compete with That!

Boss: No, trust me. The last thing you want to do is bring your spouse on a company Las Vegas trip. You’ll be divorced by the time you get home.
Salesman: Oh, really?
Boss: You know, because of all the drugs… and hookers.
Salesman: Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

9633 South 48th Street
Phoenix, Arizona

Posted on December 16, 2022
Advice, Arizona, Bosses and Underlings

9AM TGIF

Co-worker #1: What’s the matter?
Co-worker #2: I’m cold.
Co-worker #1: How can you be cold? It’s Friday.
Co-worker #2: …What?

1944 East Sky Harbor Circle
Phoenix, Arizona

Posted on December 9, 2022
Arizona, Coworkers, General Idiocy, Questions

Since Prison, Martha Stewart Has Become Increasingly Volatile

Cube rat: Hell, we were finding underwear on top of the refrigerator for two weeks.

400 N 5th Street
Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: AndyDan

Posted on August 8, 2022
Arizona, Employees, Physical Appearance, Sexuality, Time Management

Well You Did Plan the Whole Funeral

Peon #1: Oh my god, who wrote “Happy birthday!” in the “Loss of your father” sympathy card?
Peon #2: Clearly it was Lance. Who else is that stupid?
Lance: What did I do? Oh, it's fine, let's just use Wite-Out, he won't know the difference.
Peon #2: Didn't you read the card? Or look at it? It's blue, how's “white” out supposed to fix it?
Lance: What, it's always someone's birthday around here, since when do we do sympathy cards?
Peon #1: Since my grandma died and you wrote “Thanks for all your hard work.”

Arizona

Overheard by: Shocked in AZ

Posted on June 18, 2022
Arizona, Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Death, Default, Family, General Idiocy, Questions

Psh, You Threaten That at Least Five Times a Day.

Boss: Hey, maybe we should launch this as an app.
Developer #1 to #2: What is he talking about?
Developer #2: I dunno, that guy's a fool!
Boss to developer #2: I will step on your throat!

Tempe, Arizona

Overheard by: David

Posted on June 13, 2022
Arizona, Bosses, General Idiocy, Insults, Tech People, Threats

I Give Them a Year, Tops

Director of sales and marketing baby-talking and hugging his iBook: Some day you’re going to be a dinosaur and no one is going to like you! But not me! No, I love you, little iBook.

401 West Clarendon Avenue
Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: reservations monster