Writer: What the heck is going on with you?
Designer: Why?
Writer: Because I messaged you like three times.
Designer: Oh. I didn’t see it.
Writer: Thank god I wasn’t sending you my suicide note.
Designer: You would do that through Yahoo!?
Writer: I don’t know. Maybe. Is it too informal?
Designer: Kind of. I mean like print it out or something. Then somebody could drop it in my box.
Writer: What font would I even use?
16430 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Miel
Boss: Oh, one other thing. I didn’t think the Sunday [product] was very strong.
Worker: Well, what would you have done differently?
Boss: I’m not really sure…I just think we needed something different there.
Worker: Like what?
Boss: Well, that’s really the question, isn’t it?
120 West First Avenue
Mesa, Arizona
Co-worker #1: Who was in the bathroom just a minute ago?
Co-worker #2: I don’t know.
Co-worker #1: Someone was in there taking a dump, and I could see under the stall that he had his shoes off.
Co-worker #2: Wait, like barefoot?
Co-worker #1: Well, with his socks on. Who would take their shoes off, though?
Co-worker #3: I don’t know, but I think I might start doing that. Not a bad idea!
712 South McClintock Drive
Tempe, Arizona
Regional Director: So our biggest problem last year was we tried to take over the whole world, and the whole world is a big place. We need to think small, concentrate on taking over individual countries first…like Wisconsin.
2100 South Priest Drive
Tempe, Arizona
The boss is at his desk playing a video game when a co-worker approaches.
Co-worker: Do you mind if I step outside for a moment to make a personal call?
Boss: Can’t it wait? We’re not paying you to do nothing.
510 South 52nd Street
Tempe, Arizona
Student worker: So, Joe* only got through four buckets today, so can I just do four buckets and go home?
Supervisor: No, you can’t, because Joe washed all the buckets that were over there and built that huge pyramid with them.
Student worker: Awww, man! How can I compete with him when he builds pyramids?
1145 East 4th Street
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Rasputin
IT chick: Okay, okay, slow down… Your mouse isn’t working? [Pause] Ma’am… Ma’am, pick it up off the floor.
Internet domain registrar company
Scottsdale, Arizona
Writer: ‘Portly’ sounds cute. Sounds like a nice, bald, fat man in a three-piece suit.
Designer: ‘Portly’ sounds like someone with grease stains on their shirt from dropping a piece of chicken.
Writer: That’s not ‘portly!’ That’s obese!
Designer: What’s the difference?
Writer: Obese is like those Subway ads before Jared lost his weight. When he was all wild-eyed and savage. Clothes all stretched out, nothing laundered, brimming with Big Macs and Crisco sandwhiches.
Designer: They should outlaw Crisco. Just straight out make it a crime.
Writer: Yeah.
16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
Boss: We are a team. If you tell me that you cannot work on your day off, then you are not being a very good team member.
1119 N. Brown
Casa Grande, Arizona
Overheard by: Alisa
