Death

Designer: So I took the dead cat by the tail and chucked it over the fence and I thought, “Man. If the people at work could only see what a bumpkin I am.”

312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio

Suit: We don’t need to do that right away, we can do it tomorrow.
Boss: We should do it today. Why put off until tomorrow what we can do today?
Suit: I was thinking about killing you yesterday.

3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Peon #1: Those Jordanians are really teed off.
Peon #2: Is that even a word?

9115 Harris Corners Parkway
Charlotte, North Carolina

Boss: Did you hear about the terrorist attacks in Jordan?
Secretary: Um, yes; a suicide bomber killed hundreds of people at a wedding.
Boss: You see, you shouldn’t attend so many weddings. The odds are against you.

10550 North Torrey Pines Road
La Jolla, California

Co-worker #1: It’s so dry in here, I can feel the skin on my face drying up from the inside out.
Co-worker #2: Do you use moisturizer?
Co-worker #1: Oh yes, if I didn’t my face would look just like my grandpa’s…and he’s been dead for seven years.

1301 West Chestnut Street
Virginia, Minnesota

Boss: Your brother is Wiccan?
Drone: Yes.
Boss: So he does magic?
Drone: He likes to think so.
Boss: And he’s not Christian?
Drone: …No.
Boss: So he can do whatever he wants? Like kill someone?
Drone: …No, he still has to abide by the laws of the land.

557 Church Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Coworker standing on table: I feel like I'm dead and I'm watching over you.

Orlando, Florida

Boss: We really need a third forklift driver.
Warehouse manager: Well, it's even worse now. One of them just died.
Boss: Holy shit. That throws a fucking wrench in things.

Jeannette, Pennsylvania

Data manager to minion: Body parts aren’t nearly as uncomfortable as homicide.

New York City, New York

Overheard by: AureateCalyx

Boss: How was your day?
Employee miming pointing a gun to his head: Know what I mean? But it’s over now.
Boss: My father killed himself six months ago.
Employee: Did he use a gun?

47 Catherwood Road
Ithaca, New York

Overheard by: I prefer the

IT guy #1: I will kill you with my soup cup?
IT guy #2: Okay.

Dodge St
Omaha, Nebraska

Overheard by: Northern Lad