Death

Assistant on phone: One time I was in Oklahoma and I don’t know if they do this anymore but they had a prisoner rodeo! They would release bulls into a pen and the prisoners had to get $100 bills stuck in the fences. Some would die but it was cool!…I mean, not that I would go again or anything.

900 North Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Teller: So how was your weekend?
Customer: Oh, it was all right…my husband died.

1600 Market Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: indigo

Designer: So I took the dead cat by the tail and chucked it over the fence and I thought, “Man. If the people at work could only see what a bumpkin I am.”

312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio

Suit: We don’t need to do that right away, we can do it tomorrow.
Boss: We should do it today. Why put off until tomorrow what we can do today?
Suit: I was thinking about killing you yesterday.

3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Peon #1: Those Jordanians are really teed off.
Peon #2: Is that even a word?

9115 Harris Corners Parkway
Charlotte, North Carolina

Boss: Did you hear about the terrorist attacks in Jordan?
Secretary: Um, yes; a suicide bomber killed hundreds of people at a wedding.
Boss: You see, you shouldn’t attend so many weddings. The odds are against you.

10550 North Torrey Pines Road
La Jolla, California

Co-worker #1: It’s so dry in here, I can feel the skin on my face drying up from the inside out.
Co-worker #2: Do you use moisturizer?
Co-worker #1: Oh yes, if I didn’t my face would look just like my grandpa’s…and he’s been dead for seven years.

1301 West Chestnut Street
Virginia, Minnesota

Boss: Your brother is Wiccan?
Drone: Yes.
Boss: So he does magic?
Drone: He likes to think so.
Boss: And he’s not Christian?
Drone: …No.
Boss: So he can do whatever he wants? Like kill someone?
Drone: …No, he still has to abide by the laws of the land.

557 Church Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Coworker standing on table: I feel like I'm dead and I'm watching over you.

Orlando, Florida

Boss: We really need a third forklift driver.
Warehouse manager: Well, it's even worse now. One of them just died.
Boss: Holy shit. That throws a fucking wrench in things.

Jeannette, Pennsylvania

Data manager to minion: Body parts aren’t nearly as uncomfortable as homicide.

New York City, New York

Overheard by: AureateCalyx