Sales guy #1: You know, this hand sanitizer stuff. Can you like.. wash with it?

Uncertain silence.

Sales guy #1: Like, wash your whole body?
Sales guy #2: Well, you’re going to need a bigger bottle.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Office manager: Did you see that episode of South Park where they were talking about a camel toe?
Sales assistant: Ooh, lay off the camel toes! I have one. One of my toes is longer than the other and I hate wearing sandals.
[room bursts into snickers] Sales assistant: What?? Quit making fun of my toes!

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Boss: I sent you an email.
Assistant: Oh, thanks.
Boss: You going to read it?
Assistant: No, I don’t do emails anymore. I gave that up.
Boss: Hmmm…. I like that. “I don’t do emails anymore”. I like that. I’m going to go with it.
Assistant: Yeah, it’s working for me so far.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Manager: Do you need these pants hemmed?
Customer: Yes
Manager: Do you have one leg that is shorter than the other, sir?
Customer: Yeah, the middle one.

3255 Peachtree Road
Atlanta, Georgia

Lady peon: What do you call those cows that you eat?

114 New Street
Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: russ

Accountant: This chicken [Sue] brought in is yummy. I’m just going to take a break to eat it here rather than take it back to my desk. I don’t trust myself not to get my paperwork all greasy.
Supervisor: That’s why I’m going to make a sandwich out of it.
Secretary: Oh, I don’t care about greasy fingers. All I do is handle incoming checks all day.

401 Church Street
Nashville, Tennessee

Co-worker #1: What was that white box you were carrying?
Co-worker #2: Donuts. Why, you want one?
Co-worker #1: Yes!
Co-worker #3: Where were you?
Co-worker #1: What? Do you want donuts, too?
Co-worker #3: No, I want you to explain yourself for being late.
Co-worker #4: Yeah, you didn’t say anything when you called me at 7 this morning.
Co-worker #5: Yeah, she didn’t say anything to me last night at 11, either.

All stare at co-worker #5.

Co-worker #2: Just take the donuts and go away.
Co-worker #5: That’s what you said last night at 11, too!

401 Church Street
Nashville, Tennessee

Customer: So I just bought a DVD/VCR player here and I put it in my boyfriend’s car but it wasn’t really my boyfriend’s car because that car that I put the player in is gone now and my boyfriend’s car is still here.
Customer: Is there a form or something that I can fill out?

400 North Alafaya Trail
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: KTB

Sales guy #1: You’re nasty!
Sales guy #2: I’m not the one that took the pictures on that site.
Sales guy #1: I’m not the one that’s talking about shaving my gerbil!
Sales guy #2: Oooh… You gotta shave the gerbil. You GOTTA.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Call leader: Whoever has your phone on hold, please take us off hold. We can hear the music.

151 Major Reynolds Place
Knoxville, Tennessee

Overheard by: mba