Female: My nipples are boring.
Male: Does our insurance cover that?
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Female: My nipples are boring.
Male: Does our insurance cover that?
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Patient: Can I have your home number? I promise not to call you all the time. Only in case of an emergency.
Doctor: Um, I don’t give out my home number. If you are having an emergency, you need to go to the emergency room.
Patient: But they don’t know my medical history!
Doctor: But I live two hours from you. You’ll receive medical care quicker by simply going to the emergency room. Besides, all your medical history can be pulled up on their computer.
Patient: So….you’re not going to give me your number?
616 Court Street
Oberlin, Louisiana
Overheard by: Vicky
Dad: [searching through bin of Nalgene bottles] Where is it? I know they have it.
Toddler son: Have what, dad?
Dad: [still searching] The same color bottle I had.
Toddler son: Why do you need a new one, dad?
Dad: Because mommy got drunk and left my old one at her boyfriend’s house.
3225 Peachtree Road
Atlanta, Georgia
VP : So tell me again, why should she get a raise?
Director: She’s been with us fifteen years, just completed her Masters and has made a lot of money for us the last 10 years.
VP: Listen, we don’t give out raises for people who do a good job. You’ve gotta have a better reason than that.
1600 East Wendover Avenue
Greensboro, North Carolina
Overheard by: Tom Duehring
Boss: When you tie something around your mouth so that you can’t make sound, what’s that called?
Trainee: What?
Boss: Like if somebody is tied up and you put a rag in their mouth, what’s that called?
Trainee: A gag?
Boss: How is that spelled?
Trainee: Uhhh…G-A-G.
Boss: How about gagged? Like, somebody is bound and gagged.
Trainee: G-A-G-G-E-D…what the hell?
Boss: It’s all part of your training.
550 Eagles Landing Parkway
Stockbridge, Georgia
Female employee #1: They’re interviewing that guy for the new position.
Female employee #2: No, they can’t. We need to hire another woman.
Female employee #1: No way. [whispering] Women are bitches.
1001 North 19th Street
Arlington, Virginia
Obese hillbilly: Yeah, my girl come to get a pregnancy test.
Older Southern lady: I see.
Obese hillbilly: I told her if she would just let me go fishing more we wouldn’t be dealing with this shit.
Thomas County Health Department
Thomasville, Georgia
Office manager: I finally got pants on my monkey. But his tail won’t go through the hole.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Office manager: Ohh, this one speaks Spanish.
Sales guy: Where’s he from?
Office manager: No, no, he’s an English guy that speaks Spanish.
Sales guy: Oh!
Office manager: So he can translate everything that Ramiro* in the warehouse is trying to tell us!
Sales guy: Plus one for the Spanish-speaker!
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Coworker: You really can’t blame her. It’s easy to get attached to a pen.
1924 Alcoa Highway
Knoxville, Tennessee
