Southeast

Co-worker #1: What was that white box you were carrying?
Co-worker #2: Donuts. Why, you want one?
Co-worker #1: Yes!
Co-worker #3: Where were you?
Co-worker #1: What? Do you want donuts, too?
Co-worker #3: No, I want you to explain yourself for being late.
Co-worker #4: Yeah, you didn’t say anything when you called me at 7 this morning.
Co-worker #5: Yeah, she didn’t say anything to me last night at 11, either.

All stare at co-worker #5.

Co-worker #2: Just take the donuts and go away.
Co-worker #5: That’s what you said last night at 11, too!

401 Church Street
Nashville, Tennessee

Customer: So I just bought a DVD/VCR player here and I put it in my boyfriend’s car but it wasn’t really my boyfriend’s car because that car that I put the player in is gone now and my boyfriend’s car is still here.
Pause
Customer: Is there a form or something that I can fill out?

400 North Alafaya Trail
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: KTB

Sales guy #1: You’re nasty!
Sales guy #2: I’m not the one that took the pictures on that site.
Sales guy #1: I’m not the one that’s talking about shaving my gerbil!
Sales guy #2: Oooh… You gotta shave the gerbil. You GOTTA.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Call leader: Whoever has your phone on hold, please take us off hold. We can hear the music.

151 Major Reynolds Place
Knoxville, Tennessee

Overheard by: mba

Sales guy: How’d the trip go?
IT guy: Went pretty well. Almost had to send your branch manager home though.
Sales guy: Ha, why?
IT guy: After we loaded up all the inventory in an Excel spreadsheet, he kept sorting it wrong. He’d sort just one column. It would scramble the whole thing up and we’d have to delete it and start all over. He did that three times before I banned him from Excel.
Sales guy: You banned him?
IT guy: I banned him.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Soldier #1 is walking around slapping people on the ass with a length of stainless steel hydraulic line.

*swat!*

Soldier #1: You like that, dontcha bitch? You want some more?
Soldier #2: Oh yeah, give it to me papi!

*loud swat*

Soldier #2: OW!! [brief pause] Yeah, that was good…
Soldier #1: You want another one?
Soldier #2: Not yet, papi, I gotta go get the Crisco and rub it on my ass first.
Soldier #1: You have 5 minutes.

Bldg 2411-B
Fortt Eustis, Virginia

Overheard by: Jason Grier

Assistant: Hey, could you help me with a price on a part?
Sales guy: Yeah, just give me a minute to finish what I’m doing… Hey, I’ll help you with your pricing thing if you come over here and help me with my spreadsheet.
Assistant: Deal. [Walks to next cubicle] My, you have a lot of toolbars…
Sales guy: I’m special.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Manager: Are you doing okay? I’ve noticed you’ve seemed overwhelmed lately.

Smacking noises and paper shuffling

Assistant: Hmm? Oh, I’m okay. I just can’t find my purple posties.
Manager: Well, i just don’t want you to get frustrated and quit. We value you.

More smacking and agitated paper shuffling.

Assisant: Well, if i wasn’t busy, you wouldn’t need me. Where are those purple posties?
Manager: Don’t worry about the purple post-its right now. I’m asking how you are doing.

Lots of shuffling noises and frantic paper shuffling.

Assistant: I’m fine!
Manager: Are you sure, you really seem stressed.

Still shuffling

Assistant: I’d be doing a lot better if i could find my damn purple posties!
Manager: I’ll come back

Minutes later after lots of loud thuds and much desk smacking and paper shuffling. . .

Assistant: Heey! Here they are! Okay, I’m good now!

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Engineeron phone to production guy: Let me call you back. I might have someone check the Mandarin label for correctness.
. . .
Engineer on phone to production guy: Yeah, Pei* can come by tomorrow at 8:00am to check the label. Is that OK?
Production guy: No.
Engineer: Oh, is that a problem?
Production guy: Yeah, there are a lot of much better looking Chinese girls in the building.
Engineer: Uh…You are on speaker phone.
Three-second silence.
Production guy: Well uh yeah, that should be fine.

800 Beaty Street
Davidson, North Carolina

Employee #1: I just don’t understand the point of Martin Luther King Day.
Emoloyee #2: Come on! It’s a big day! It celebrates when Martin Luther King freed the slaves.
Employee #1: That was Abraham Lincoln.
Employee #2: Oh. Well, it celebrates when Martin Luther King gave the Emancipation Proclamation.
Employee #1: That was also Abraham Lincoln.
Employee #2: Oh. I’m not very good at history.

821 Benvenue
Rocky Mount, North Carolina