Worker: So the Christmas party is mandatory?
Boss: Of course not, but if you don’t show you’ll probably be ostracized.
Worker: …And I have to sign a waiver to drink?
Boss: Do you think a company of lawyers would let everyone drink, then drive, and not cover their asses?
962 Coronado Boulevard
Universal City, Texas
VP: Our newsletter is gonna be sexy.
Co-worker: I thought we’re trying to be more corporate.
VP: I’m the VP of corporate development, and i’m telling you we’re sexy!
100 William Street
New York, NY
IT #1: Okay, I’ll set up one of my extra workstations and get a wireless card for it.
IT #2: Can you get a card easily?
IT #1: Oh sure, they’re only about 50 bucks. I can get petty cash.
Manager: So we have to go through you. Why can’t [Claude] get it?
IT #2: Because I have to go through too many layers of management and red tape.
Manager: For an old computer and a $50 card?
IT #1: Yeah, this place is like a prison. It’s all about who can trade cigarettes for a sharp shiv.
Manager: Or who’s around when you drop the soap…
525 Rudder Road
Fenton, Missouri
Owner: You’ve got to tell me these things. I don’t know everything that’s going on…you’d be surprised at what I don’t know.
2100 Goshen Road
Fort Wayne, Indiana
Corporate peon #1: I was nervous during the interview. More than normal for some reason. He asked too many damn questions.
Corporate peon #2: Hard questions?
Corporate peon #1: Not hard. Just required detailed answers. I don’t like the “what do you bring to the table” question.
Corporate peon #2: “I bring diligence and a positive attitude, I’m proactive and can get the job done on my own or with a group.”
Corporate peon #1: I bring sexiness.
11601 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Boss: We really need a third forklift driver.
Warehouse manager: Well, it's even worse now. One of them just died.
Boss: Holy shit. That throws a fucking wrench in things.
Jeannette, Pennsylvania
Boss: So, the word from corporate is that we’re supposed to hang these on the windows as part of the new plan from Marketing?
Marketing assistant: Yeah.
Boss: But corporate service requirements say we’re not ever allowed to hang anything on any windows.
Marketing assistant: Right. Essentially, we have to figure out a way to put them on the windows without actually putting them on the windows.
Boss: Awesome.
West Creek Drive
Richmond, Virginia
Disgruntled teacher: Well, we need advance notice when the file server's going to be down, especially when we work on final exams and stuff.
Principal: Duly noted.
Tall teacher: And ignored.
Hancock, New York
Office worker: Check out this description in this help wanted ad. “Customer relations: Must have the ability to communicate effectively both internally and externally with all customers.”
Aspen, Colorado
Manager: So Mike* is leaving.
Office peon #1: Will anyone notice? What does he do, anyway?
Office peon #2: He's a fluffer.
Office peon #1: What?!
Office peon #2: What? He, y'know, fluffs out his job so it looks like he's doing more than he is.
Manager to office peon #1: After the meeting, you explain.
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: EarleyDaysYet
