Office Politics

Co-worker #1: I just want to confirm that this is your fault.
Co-worker #2: Yeah.
Co-worker #1: Great. Thanks.

1932 Highland Avenue
Cincinnati, Ohio

Co-worker: I don’t really pay that much attention to politics. I mean, I don’t even know the difference between a Republican and a Dominican.

Sullivan Barracks
Mannheim, Germany

HR: You miscoded your timesheets as vacation instead of holiday.
Employee: What difference does it make? It’s a day off. Can’t you just fix it?
HR: The difference is that it put you over on your vacation time for the year.
Employee: But it was a holiday. Can’t you just fix it?
HR: Do you know how many days off you have per year?
Employee: Yes, but holiday/vacation, it’s all a day off.
HR: Tell that to the employee that just got let go for miscoding time.
Employee: …I’ll fix it.

4400 Post Oak Parkway
Houston, Texas

Worker: So the Christmas party is mandatory?
Boss: Of course not, but if you don’t show you’ll probably be ostracized.
Worker: …And I have to sign a waiver to drink?
Boss: Do you think a company of lawyers would let everyone drink, then drive, and not cover their asses?

962 Coronado Boulevard
Universal City, Texas

VP: Our newsletter is gonna be sexy.
Co-worker: I thought we’re trying to be more corporate.
VP: I’m the VP of corporate development, and i’m telling you we’re sexy!

100 William Street
New York, NY

IT #1: Okay, I’ll set up one of my extra workstations and get a wireless card for it.
IT #2: Can you get a card easily?
IT #1: Oh sure, they’re only about 50 bucks. I can get petty cash.
Manager: So we have to go through you. Why can’t [Claude] get it?
IT #2: Because I have to go through too many layers of management and red tape.
Manager: For an old computer and a $50 card?
IT #1: Yeah, this place is like a prison. It’s all about who can trade cigarettes for a sharp shiv.
Manager: Or who’s around when you drop the soap…

525 Rudder Road
Fenton, Missouri

Owner: You’ve got to tell me these things. I don’t know everything that’s going on…you’d be surprised at what I don’t know.

2100 Goshen Road
Fort Wayne, Indiana

Corporate peon #1: I was nervous during the interview. More than normal for some reason. He asked too many damn questions.
Corporate peon #2: Hard questions?
Corporate peon #1: Not hard. Just required detailed answers. I don’t like the “what do you bring to the table” question.
Corporate peon #2: “I bring diligence and a positive attitude, I’m proactive and can get the job done on my own or with a group.”
Corporate peon #1: I bring sexiness.

11601 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California

Boss: We really need a third forklift driver.
Warehouse manager: Well, it's even worse now. One of them just died.
Boss: Holy shit. That throws a fucking wrench in things.

Jeannette, Pennsylvania

Boss: So, the word from corporate is that we’re supposed to hang these on the windows as part of the new plan from Marketing?
Marketing assistant: Yeah.
Boss: But corporate service requirements say we’re not ever allowed to hang anything on any windows.
Marketing assistant: Right. Essentially, we have to figure out a way to put them on the windows without actually putting them on the windows.
Boss: Awesome.

West Creek Drive
Richmond, Virginia