Office Politics

Peon to fellow cube-mates: What would happen if no one ever reached their target, but they just kept placing it further and further away for the sake of “striving for excellence”? (pause) Sounds like you're setting up your people for failure. You ever watch Ninja Warrior? That show is the bomb. They have crazy, semi-impossible obstacle courses, and if a contestant passes all four stages, they win. The point is, no one is supposed to win! The obstacles get harder and harder to keep people from succeeding, not to hope and pray that they win… You are all honorary ninja warriors.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Overheard by: Rio

Boss (in restroom): This is the only room in the building where I know what I'm doing anymore.

Washington, DC

Office drone #1: I see you've got a machete.
Office drone #2, wistfully: Who doesn't, in this workaday world?

Williamsburg, Virginia

Overheard by: Stunned into silence

Female suit: So I was on the elevator with him, and had to explain to Roger Ailes why I was in a bra and panties.

FOX News Headquarters
Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Newsbunny

Entry level peon: What I need is a lackey to follow me around and do stuff for me when I tell them to.
Manager: Listen honey, I hate to tell you this, but you are the lackey.

Argentia Road
Mississauga
Canadia

Overheard by: Nobody’s bitch

VP Engineering: Printing has been dropped as a feature, but at least we’re not sacrificing quality to meet the schedule.

2279 Vista Del Mar
San Mateo, California

Office drone #1: What’s a funnier prank — if I tape the the receiver to the boss’s phone, or if I fix it so she can’t open the drawer?
Office drone #2: Um, maybe you should… [looks pointedly at returning boss behind drone #1].
Office drone #1: I know! I’ll glue her coffee mug to her desk. Bitch’ll be spewing!
Boss, standing right behind drone #1: Bitch is behind you.

Harris Street
Pyrmont, Sydney
Australia

Overheard by: get back to work!

Office peon: Will the office gift exchange be unisex?
Boss (seriously): That's inappropriate in the workplace.

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: beth the observer

Manager: I’ll just talk a lot… but not really say anything.

5800 South Quebec Street
Greenwood Village, Colorado

Overheard by: leedle

Manager: We really need to work on proper pronunciation on the phones. We really hear a lot of this, and it definitely needs to be improved. For instance: How do you say a-s-k? Anyone? (pause) You say “ask” not “axed”!
Employee: Well, who say dat?

Wayne, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: office grunt #12