Office Politics

CEO: We don’t want to get sued because someone has a ridiculously large head.

Wausau, Wisconsin

Manager at meeting: Dusty is the only person cooperating here–he hasn't said a thing!

Carrollton, Texas

Client: It doesn’t sound as if the rep really understands the product. Does she need more training?
Account Manager: Oh, she understands the product. She just can’t explain it.

6665 N. Macarthur Boulevard
Irving, Texas

Coworker, angrily: I can't help it if I care! I have a soul.
Boss: Leave it in the car on your way in.

Outpatient Mental Health Facility
New Jersey

Overheard by: Peon

Professor: Do I need to sign something saying I signed something?

Langford Architecture Center, Texas A&M University
College Station, Texas

Overheard by: Faith

Purchasing manager: Can I borrow a pencil?
Receptionist: No. If you don’t come prepared, I ain’t helping you.

Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Nikki

Manager: Will you help him on this issue?
Buyer #1: I’d be happy to help him.

15 minutes pass.

Buyer #2: If you just don’t do your work, they won’t fire you; they’ll
just give it to somebody else.

6808 Lake Worth Boulevard
Fort Worth, Texas

Overheard by: Cube Monkey

Human resources rep, bringing in files: I am the depositor of things to be scanned!
Peon: I don't like you.
Human resources rep: Hahaha! I don't like you, either.

Bayonne, New Jersey

Drone #1: Every time Tina* leaves her office, I pop in there and rat out a fart.
Drone #2: Dude!
Drone #1: When she made me work the weekend, I pissed in all her plants and wiped my ass on her mouse pad.

Circle Center Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu

Boss on phone, trying to dig himself out of a hole: I've been straight and honest and very clear and precise in what I say. I am very careful and think about what I say before I let it come out of my mouth, except this one time, but it went over everybody's head, so I don't think they noticed.