Office Politics

Boss to underling: Would you please go next door and politely shoot their dog?

Gaithersburg, Maryland

Cube rat #1: Hey, is that light bothering you? It's driving me crazy.
Cube rat #2: No, it's not.
Cube rat #1: Really? I can't stand it.
Cube rat #2: Yeah, I know, that's why I like it.

Cincinnati, Ohio

Co-worker: Do you want to tell them the truth?
Boss: What’s the truth?
Co-worker: The truth is that you can’t go and I don’t feel like it.
Boss: So you want to tell them that?
Co-worker: Yeah.
Boss: Do you want to tell them the truth or the enchanced version of the truth?

100 Chesley Drive
Media, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Back Office Peon

New girl: Why is the door to the file room always locked?
Veteran: Because someone might steal something.
New girl: Who all has a key?
Veteran: Everybody.

Columbia University
New York, New York

Male coworker #1: Was she here yesterday?
Male coworker #2, as unknown object goes flying by overhead: Of course she was here, don't you remember throwing things at her all day?

Department of National Defence

Coworker: It's so cheesy–the dong. It's like “here, hit the dong! We're not giving you a raise, but you get to hit the dong.”

Dublin, Ohio

Overheard by: MissTW

New training manager: Back in the day, I had a great idea. I know we’re into this touchy-feely self-esteem human resource stuff, but I said: “Take the supervisor who has the highest rate of unqualified, untrained direct reports, walk him to the end of the pier, and shoot him!” They told me I couldn’t do that. But it would have been effective!

75 Eastern Point Road
Groton, Connecticut

IT manager: As long as we try to maintain intelligence, a lot of people are going to get confused.

Tonopah, Arizona

Boss: The incentive this month is: the person with the most accounts will get a steak dinner on me. And you can bring your boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever, you don't have to eat alone, I'll pay for them too.
Female sales rep: What if I have like eight boyfriends?
Boss: Well, then you're a whore. I don't know what else to tell you.

Charlotte, North Carolina

Coworker: They've done a complete 360 on this project.


Overheard by: SexKitten