New England

Attorney: This work shit has got to stop. It’s really bringing me down.

301 Merritt Seven
Norwalk, Connecticut

Warehouse employee, furiously banging tools around: Happy place, go to your happy place.

150 Batson Drive
Manchester, Connecticut

overheard by: I love this place!

New training manager: Back in the day, I had a great idea. I know we’re into this touchy-feely self-esteem human resource stuff, but I said: “Take the supervisor who has the highest rate of unqualified, untrained direct reports, walk him to the end of the pier, and shoot him!” They told me I couldn’t do that. But it would have been effective!

75 Eastern Point Road
Groton, Connecticut

Customer: Is Office 2003 the latest version of Office that’s out?
Salesperson: Yeah, they most likely won’t come out with a new version until Vista is released, which should be about the end of the year.
Customer: What’s that?
Salesperson: Vista?
Customer: Yeah, Rista? What is that? Is that the new Office?
Salesperson: No, Vista is the new operating system that’s coming out. Last I heard Microsoft was planning to release it near the end of this year.
Customer: Microsoft’s going to sell computers now?
Salesperson: No, Vista is the operating system that gets installed on computers. It’s what makes your computer run.
Customer: Oh, yeah, I knew that already. Are you going to be carrying Microsoft’s new computers?

Willard Building
State College, Pennsylvania

Customer #1: Does the Peaks Island Ferry go to Peaks Island?
Ticket agent: Yes.
Customer#1: Does it come back?
Customer #2: No, it’s the barge to Hades. It only goes one way.

Casco Bay Lines Ferry Terminal
Portland, Maine

Overheard by: Jeff Jenks

Tech support rep: …the accelerator card. No, the one connected to your array. OK, uplug that.


Tech support rep: OK, are you grounded?


Tech support rep: OK, gently pull it from the slot.


Tech support rep: Now lick it.

Pause, snickering, then slight panic.

Tech support rep: No sir. I was just kidding.

290 Donald Lynch Blvd.
Marlborough, Massachusetts

Overheard by: James McCabe

Manager to customer: At what point do you see this conversation getting any better for you?

10 Scotia Street
Boston, Massachusetts

Female coworker to male coworker: Do these pants make me look like I have a penis?

Lisbon Street
Lewiston, Maine

Overly exuberant raffle organizer: I'll drag someone in, blindfold them, and say “stick your hand in this!”

New England

Overheard by: Dude

Employee: I asked for tomorrow off, ’cause I don’t feel like working in the rain. I’ll probably go fishing, though — I don’t mind fishing in the rain.

150 Batson Drive
Manchester, Connecticut