HR: You miscoded your timesheets as vacation instead of holiday.
Employee: What difference does it make? It’s a day off. Can’t you just fix it?
HR: The difference is that it put you over on your vacation time for the year.
Employee: But it was a holiday. Can’t you just fix it?
HR: Do you know how many days off you have per year?
Employee: Yes, but holiday/vacation, it’s all a day off.
HR: Tell that to the employee that just got let go for miscoding time.
Employee: …I’ll fix it.

4400 Post Oak Parkway
Houston, Texas

Speaker: What was the craziest thing you’ve ever done?
Attendee: Jumped off a bridge into a river in Fiji.
Speaker: Why’d you do that?
Attendee: ‘Cause Tony Robbins told me to.

481 8th Avenue
New York, NY

Suit #1: So how have you been lately?
Suit #2: Eh, you know, overworked.
Suit #1: Yeah, same here…By the way, nice tan you’ve got there.
Suit #2: Thanks, you too.

590 Madison Avenue
New York, NY

Receptionist: I’m going to Hawaii next week. If I wanted to swim under the entire island, how deep would I have to go?

1600 Utica Avenue
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Manager: Does anyone else hear an ice cream truck?
Office: …
Manager: I need a vacation so bad.

625 Second Street
San Francisco, California

Office guy, complaining about his recent camping trip: Bears may do that in the woods, but Alex* does not.

Springdale, Arkansas

Middle-aged woman #1: I didn’t get any vacation time this year because I was so busy with my mother.
Middle-aged woman #2: How is your mother doing? Does she have anyone to talk to? Like friends or anyone?
Middle-aged woman #1: Well, yes, but the problem is that all the 85-year-old men want is phone sex.
20-something girl: Well, there’s something to look forward to.

Midtown Building
New York City, New York

Fat nurse: I’m real excited! I’m going to the Mexican Riviera next month.
Lanky nurse: Uh, isn’t it called the French Riviera?
Fat nurse: No, I think it’s Mexican, but you could be right — that sounds familiar.
Lanky nurse: I’ve always wanted to see the French Riviera.
Fat nurse: Yeah, me too. I can’t wait.

1st Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: dr mike

Records tech: I used to have more vacation time before I worked [in this department]! But I guess since I started taking vacations…

Manning Drive
Chapel Hill, North Carolina

Overheard by: seftiri

Co-worker #1: Are you okay?
Co-worker #2: I’m okay. But if I could slap people through the phone, others wouldn’t be okay.

515 North State Street
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Peter Gibbons