Senior consultant: Hey, what’s the difference between four and five?
Consultant: How am I getting paid less than you?

Waterloo, London

Overheard by: he said what I was thinking

Sales drone: I thought nature was dead?


Overheard by: Bemused Techie

Admin: It says here, “his marriage stopped due to alcohol and wanking too much.”
Admin: Hold on…… maybe it says “working to much.”

101 Whitechapel Road
London, UK

Overheard by: nurse

Inadequate manager called Chris*, muttering quietly to himself in different voices: You're a hero, Chris. (pause) I know I am, Chris, I'm a real hero. (pause) Chris, I'm just the best.

Council Office

Delegating My Memory May Have Been a Mistake

Managing director: Don't you think Frank should get a haircut?
Past retirement age CEO: What did Frank say about my hair?
Managing director: Nothing, I said “Don't you think Frank should get a haircut?”
Past retirement age CEO: What did he say about my hair?
Entire office: Frank hasn't said anything about your hair!
(phone rings)
Past retirement age CEO, answering phone: Hello, Frank speaking–I mean, Graham speaking.


Overheard by: Who's Frank?

Woman #1: I hate these bloody name tags!
Woman #2: I know! The straps are so long! Everyone keeps peering down at your belly before looking up at your face!
Woman #1: I prefer the name tags you can clip on your lapel…
Woman #2: Yes, at my age I’d actually rather men stared at my tits and not at my stomach.
Old woman exiting stall: Honey, at my age you’re chuffed if they look anywhere at all!

Conference, St. Andrews Place

New girl: I'm going downstairs for a smoke before we start checking over. Do you want to come?
Supervisor: No thanks, I just think I'll sit here and fiddle…not with myself!
New girl: Whatever you want to do in your own time.
Supervisor: Hur-hur, yeah, I just sit here and fiddle with myself to unwind. (later, realising new girl has left) Fiddle.

Chiswick Park

Overheard by: choking on a coke

Admin: Well, it's not every day that you see a pig being chased by a monkey.

Clerkenwell Road

Overheard by: Murray

Colleague, brandishing roll of Fablon: Play with me, it's fun. Oh, go on, sword me!


Client: I measured it, it was 4 centimetres!
Salesman: What’s that in millimetres?
Client: Did you even go to school?

297 Munster Road
Fulham, London

Overheard by: Marshall