Attorney: We’re smarter for making the correct decision to the everyday question: drink or work? Correct answer: drink and work.

717 Madison Place NW
Washington, DC

Suit: We don’t need to do that right away, we can do it tomorrow.
Boss: We should do it today. Why put off until tomorrow what we can do today?
Suit: I was thinking about killing you yesterday.

3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Project Manager: We didn’t know the old system generated those reports.
CIO: Well, you can’t clean out an old warehouse without finding a few rat turds in the corner.

655 Engineering Drive
Norcross, Georgia

Co-worker #1: I hate not having a stapler.
Co-worker #2: But you have a stapler. It’s right there.
Co-worker #1: But I don’t have a stapler.
Co-worker #2: Are you Zen or something?
Co-worker #1: What do you mean?
Co-worker #2: It’s very Zen to have/not have a stapler.

551 Madison Avenue
New York, NY

Guy in next cube: In my opinion, a chimney is no place to raise a family.


Overheard by: ReRo

Boss: There are many people who are much more like me than I am.

2560 9th Street
Berkeley, California

Overheard by: anonymous coward

Office lady, slurring speech while talking to herself: I'm not drunk; I'm just realistic.

Elmsford, New York

Coworker: I don't have the voice for rap… But shit, man, I can write rhymes!

Chico, California

Project manager: I mean, it’s really not even a bender unless it’s affecting your performance at work, now is it?

1620 Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California

VP to general counsel: A nine-inch wiener is a nine-inch wiener. You’ve got to make it look pretty.

850 Bryant Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: IC Balaam