Philosophy

Chief accountant on phone: No, this is not a business. This is the U.S. government.

1660 S Columbian Avenue
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Rogue Peanut

Telemarketing lady: There’ll be no laughing in this office. That’s right, no levitation.

121 Monmouth Street
Red Bank, NJ

Overheard by: Heidi Schwartz

Two real estate agents are returning from lunch.

Experienced agent: You’re never going to make any money if you keep getting drunk like this.

73 West 19th Street
New York, New York

Admin #1: Without extremes, normalcy wouldn’t exist.
Admin #2: Wow, we’re getting heavy now.
Admin #3: Back from tour one day, and you’re already waxing poetic?
Admin #1: Wait, isn’t that what fractals and Jurassic Park are about?
Admin #2 & 3: What?
Admin #1: Extremes, fractals and Jurassic Park. Wasn’t anyone a nerd like me?
Admin #2: Um, no.

3 Lafayette Avenue
Brooklyn, New York

CSR to manager: Sometimes there is a fine line between making people happy and getting them to shut up.

1300 Arlington
Itasca, Illinois

Attorney #1: I stepped on a baby bird this morning on the way into the courthouse.
Attorney #2: The jokes are right. We don’t have souls.

319 West Woodlawn Avenue
Louisville, Kentucky

Worker on phone: I don’t care if you threw up or not, I’m not canceling that dentist appointment…Well, take some Tums and go anyway. If you have to throw up again, throw up on them; who cares?

321 Norristown Road
Ambler, Pennsylvania

Attorney: We’re smarter for making the correct decision to the everyday question: drink or work? Correct answer: drink and work.

717 Madison Place NW
Washington, DC

Suit: We don’t need to do that right away, we can do it tomorrow.
Boss: We should do it today. Why put off until tomorrow what we can do today?
Suit: I was thinking about killing you yesterday.

3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Project Manager: We didn’t know the old system generated those reports.
CIO: Well, you can’t clean out an old warehouse without finding a few rat turds in the corner.

655 Engineering Drive
Norcross, Georgia