Connecticut

More of a Tax Shelter with a Police Force

Physics teacher: How thick do you think a steel pole would have to be that connected the Earth and the moon if there were no more gravity?
Student #1: 10 inches?
Student #2: Five miles?
Student #3: No, way bigger than that.
Physics teacher: It would be about the size of the state of New York.
Student #1: Damn.
Student #2: Ha! I was right!
Student #3: You think that New York is five miles across?!
Student #2: Okay, that’s more like Delaware-sized. Is Delaware even a state?

Staples High School
Westport, Connecticut

Dude, If You Can Put It in Your Own Box, You Should Charge Admission!

Suit: We need to start putting our meat in someone else’s box.

401 Merritt 7
Norwalk, Connecticut

We’ll Gladly Accept Deliveries at the Back Door

Principal over loudspeaker: We’re looking for someone to give us wood.

4 Robert Holcomb Way
Plainville, Connecticut

Overheard by: for a good cause

Not Something You Want to Interrupt

Guy to coworker sitting on exercise ball at computer: Well, I’ll just let you get on with your ball massage.

39 Norwich-Westerly Road
Mashantucket, Connecticut

Overheard by: Calamity Canyon

On the Plus Side, I Got Almost All the Way Through My Signature

Female coworker: I pulled my butt muscle taking a whiz!

150 Batson Drive
Manchester, Connecticut

That Depends on How Nice Your Car Is

Coworker: Let’s go for a ride. Does your top come off?

150 Batson Drive
Manchester, Connecticut

Overheard by: smooth

The Cops Are Helpless As Long As We Call Them ‘Delis’

Guy: I was at this one place last night where I paid an extra $10 to get a tossed salad at 3am. What a great deli.

Wilton, Connecticut

Overheard by: Derek Paruolo

And Conveniently Carries Enough Ice to Cover an Unconscious Body in a Bathtub

Engineer: Where do I put this cooler?
Scientist #1: You know what that cooler is?
Engineer: Um, no.
Scientist #1: That’s my old date cooler.
Scientist #2: Huh?
Scientist #1: ‘Cause it’s tall enough for a bottle of wine.
Scientist #2: I had a cooler too, for organs.
Engineer: This one’s tall enough for a whole lung!

Highland Avenue
Cheshire, Connecticut

That’s Different From What He Said Last Week at the Office Party

Boss: Does anyone have any questions?

Employee asks involved question.

Boss: You know what? I have a million questions that you cannot answer.
Employee: But you asked if anyone had any questions.
Boss: Yeah, and if I asked if anyone had to go to the bathroom, I wouldn’t expect you to whip it out and take a whiz right here.

Stamford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Spacing Out

Really, Even a Creek Will Get You If You’re Careless or Stupid

Guy in cubicle #1: What are you doing?
Guy in cubicle #2: Looking at rivers that can kill ya!

349 Mitchell Street
Groton, Connecticut

Overheard by: Livonthedge

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