The Cops Are Helpless As Long As We Call Them ‘Delis’

Guy: I was at this one place last night where I paid an extra $10 to get a tossed salad at 3am. What a great deli.

Wilton, Connecticut

Overheard by: Derek Paruolo

Posted on October 12, 2025
Compliments, Connecticut, Meals and Snacks, Money, People, Strangers

He Already Has Plans For Them

Employee #1: Dave*, you’re what, 27? You’re too young to get married. You need to wait until you’re 35 and then marry a 23 year old. Birthing is just “bam! bam! bam!”– brutal on them. So you need to marry young.
Employee #2: So I need to work here for 8 years and marry a girl who is just graduating from here?
Employee #3: Start looking, man. She’s in high school now.
Employee #2: She’d be what, 15? Hey, Jim*, how old are your daughters?
Employee #1: 13 and 15…Shut up!

3800 Victory Parkway
Cincinnati, Ohio

Posted on July 30, 2025
Admins, Advice, Employees, Health & Hygiene, Ohio, People, Philosophy, Relationships

11AM Call Transfer

CSR #1: A guy on line 260 needs pricing.
Tech: His name is Pricing?
CSR #2: No, his name is “A guy.”

4123 E La Palma
Anaheim, California

Posted on May 5, 2025
Admins, Bimbettes, California and Northwest, Customer Service, People

3PM Smoke Break

Worker #1: Do you know a sabbatical is?
Worker #2: Isn’t that when you don’t have sex?
Worker #3: I think professors take sabbaticals?
Worker #2: Wasn’t Ross on a sabbatical?
Worker #3: I think it’s a break from working.
Worker #2: So I was right. A prostitute on sabbatical wouldn’t have sex.

4725 Peachtree Corners Circle
Norcross, Georgia