[Janet]: You can drown if you drink too much water.

[Janet]: Summer is my favorite month.

[Janet]: Where is Latin? Isn’t that a country?

[Janet]: The funniest thing I heard today, I said it myself. I said, “You mean John White, the black man?”

Co-worker #1: I’ve heard about some diets that help regulate the acid-base balance in the blood. Is there any validity in those diets?”
Co-worker #2: I think that your kidneys help do that.
[Janet]: My equilibrium does that.

Instructor: Emphysema patients have chronic weight loss.
[Janet]: Is that why you gain weight when you quit cigarettes?

2070 North Rivers Business Center
Charleston, South Carolina

Office girl #1: What’s wrong?
Office girl #2, gagging: I was miming committing suicide by glue stick, and I accidentally inhaled.

N Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: The Temp

Bored tech guy: Can I help you?
Bimbette: Yeah, um, I need an update on my anti-Semitic virus program.
Bored tech guy: You mean ‘Symantec’?
Bimbette: Yeah, that’s what I said — anti-Semitic.

Quinnipiac University
Hamden, Connecticut

Worker #1: Do you know a sabbatical is?
Worker #2: Isn’t that when you don’t have sex?
Worker #3: I think professors take sabbaticals?
Worker #2: Wasn’t Ross on a sabbatical?
Worker #3: I think it’s a break from working.
Worker #2: So I was right. A prostitute on sabbatical wouldn’t have sex.

4725 Peachtree Corners Circle
Norcross, Georgia

Hick girl #1: Look, I’m just saying, that bitch was a bitch.
Hick girl #2: She is such a bitch.
Hick girl #1: I know. And her costume wasn’t even funny.
Hick girl #2: I don’t think they’re supposed to be funny. I think they’re supposed to be scary.
Hick girl #1: Her tits are scary.
Hick girl #2: She’s always showin’ her tits. I don’t wanna see them scary-ass tits.
Bitch: My tits are expensive, you stupid hick bitches.
Hick girl #1: Why didn’t you say you were in there, bitch? God, you’re a bitch.
Hick girl #2: Bitch.

Nashville, Tennessee

Office girl #1: I want to start reading more books.
Office girl #2: Didn’t you just read yesterday?

11940 Jollyville Road
Austin, Texas

Hot office chick: So, do you think I should come in early? Or do you think I should come when I'm done?

Scottsbluff, Nebraska

Worker: Crap. It’s Wednesday afternoon and I already have Friday brain.

842 South 2nd Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Bimbette employee: I mean, like, if you gave Thomas Jefferson the Internet, he totally wouldn’t have freed the slaves.

Department store
New Hartford, New York

Overheard by: Jenn

Office girl #1: But I thought he was, like, Mexican or Brazilian or something.
Office girl #2: No, he’s Filipino.
Office girl #1: Oh, so, like… Um…
Office girl #2: It’s like half-Mexican, half-Chinese.
Office girl #1: But he’s gay, right?
Office girl #2: Definitely — all gay.
Office girl #1: He’s from Gay Land!

Ad agency
Toronto, Ontario

Overheard by: Half-Offended-Half-Laughing