Bimbettes

There’s Nothing That Can’t Be Accomplished Through Sex and Dishonesty

Coed #1: He had told me not to do anything special for his birthday. He said to forget he was having a birthday at all. But then he came over, and I could tell that he was down.
Coed #2: Because it was his birthday, and he was thirty.
Coed #1: Yeah.
Coed #2: And he’s dating an eighteen-year-old.
Coed #1: Shut up. So then we had sex? And it wasn’t, like, the most amazing time, but I faked it. But, like, really over the top? And he was happy the rest of the day!

University & College Avenues
Tempe, Arizona

Overheard by: over 30

Too Bad It’s Another Part That Got the Clap

Girl #1: My boyfriend is in the pen.
Girl #2: For how long?
Girl #1: He’s been there for three years.
Girl #2: Wow! You’ve been faithful to him for three years?
Girl #1: My heart has been…

2720 Villa Prom
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Overheard by: FrancesDanger

Before I Put It in Mothballs For the Summer

Warehouse worker: You look nice today. You going somewhere after this?
Girl in dress: No, I just wanted to air out my vagina.

Emeryville, California

Overheard by: warehouse peon

3PM Fundraiser

Woman: Oh, Survivor Evening? Is that, like, for people who watch Survivor? Oh, breast cancer…cool!

6710 Clayton Road
Richmond Heights, Missouri

Overheard by: Transient Girl

11AM Call Transfer

CSR #1: A guy on line 260 needs pricing.
Tech: His name is Pricing?
CSR #2: No, his name is “A guy.”

4123 E La Palma
Anaheim, California

2PM IT Visit

IT guy sneezes several times.

IT guy: I think I’m allergic to the flowers on this screen.
Nearby blonde: Really? You can change the screen saver if you want.

Paddington Street, Paddington
Sydney, Australia

Overheard by: Jane Kenny

12PM Update the [Janet] File

[Janet]: You can drown if you drink too much water.

[Janet]: Summer is my favorite month.

[Janet]: Where is Latin? Isn’t that a country?

[Janet]: The funniest thing I heard today, I said it myself. I said, “You mean John White, the black man?”

Co-worker #1: I’ve heard about some diets that help regulate the acid-base balance in the blood. Is there any validity in those diets?”
Co-worker #2: I think that your kidneys help do that.
[Janet]: My equilibrium does that.

Instructor: Emphysema patients have chronic weight loss.
[Janet]: Is that why you gain weight when you quit cigarettes?

2070 North Rivers Business Center
Charleston, South Carolina

Could Have Happened to Any of Us

Office girl #1: What’s wrong?
Office girl #2, gagging: I was miming committing suicide by glue stick, and I accidentally inhaled.

N Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: The Temp

My Hard Drive’s Been Zionized

Bored tech guy: Can I help you?
Bimbette: Yeah, um, I need an update on my anti-Semitic virus program.
Bored tech guy: You mean ‘Symantec’?
Bimbette: Yeah, that’s what I said — anti-Semitic.

Quinnipiac University
Hamden, Connecticut

3PM Smoke Break

Worker #1: Do you know a sabbatical is?
Worker #2: Isn’t that when you don’t have sex?
Worker #3: I think professors take sabbaticals?
Worker #2: Wasn’t Ross on a sabbatical?
Worker #3: I think it’s a break from working.
Worker #2: So I was right. A prostitute on sabbatical wouldn’t have sex.

4725 Peachtree Corners Circle
Norcross, Georgia

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