Busser: I’m working for Bob* tonight.
Manager #1: You smell like pot, man. You’re not working.
Manager #2: It’s three in the afternoon. What time did you get high?
Busser: When’s Maury on?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Name-dropper: I know a guy who’s been on Cops twice!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Quizno
Trekkie coworker: Dude, at the convention they had light sabers for sale for two hundred dollars.
Bored coworker: So?
Trekkie coworker: They were just plastic, they weren’t even real!
County Road 427
Auburn, Indiana
Overheard by: Doesn’t have a real light saber either
Coworker: You see that door right there? We can fit, like, nine minors in there!
Bloomington, Indiana
Young man #1: Would you rather take a shit right here in the mall and get arrested and laughed at, or have Mike Ditka sit on your face?
Young man #2: Dude, I’m on the phone… No, Mom, that was just some guy… Mike Ditka is an old football coach, Mom… No, he’s not here, he’s in Hollywood or somethin’.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Pledge drive volunteer: Would you like to pledge to fight hunger and homelessness?
College guy: No thanks, man.
Pledge drive volunteer: How about pledging to make higher education more affordable?
College guy: Dude, homeless people don’t even go to college…
470 West 7th Street
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: pledging
Restaurant manager shooing out two vagrants: Guys, you’ll have to leave. Go on.
Vagrant #1: How long you been in the klan?
Restaurant manager, taken aback: Actually, I’m Catholic and the klan is very anti-Catholic.
Vagrant #2: No. No! They were Catholics!
Restaurant manager: You’re wrong. Class dismissed. Now get your ass out of here or I’ll have the dish washers put you two motherfuckers in the trash compactor, ass-to-mouth.
Vagrant #1: You a bad Catholic!
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Clerk: Are you worried?
Rehab counselor using laptop: No. Why?
Clerk: People always look worried while they are trying to memorize the Internet.
4555 Central Avenue
Columbus, Indiana
Lady cube dweller: Well, didn’t you get bigger last time?
Man cube dweller: Yeah, but I was thinking about something else.
Lady cube dweller: What were you thinking about?!
Man cube dweller: Your sister.
Lady cube dweller: You’re an asshole.
Man cube dweller: Well, she is my girlfriend.
4015 Shore Drive
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Not her sister
Amateur theologian: … And something else I was thinking — it’s like, people always say, ‘Well, the cowboys are God’s team.’ No, they’re not! It doesn’t matter who wins. God knew who was gonna win 1000 years ago!
333 North Meridian Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: fransen comes alive
