Teen girl, holding a bag with a dead bird inside: My grandfather called earlier about getting this bird checked for West Nile virus. He found it in his yard.
Office clerk: Ok, I remember talking to him this morning. I need to get some information from you first. Now, what was his name?

The girl’s eyes get big, and she looks at the bag.

Office clerk: No, not the bird’s name. I need to know your grandfather’s name.

616 Court Street
Oberlin, Louisiana

Overheard by: Vicky

Library clerk to hobo taking food out of food drive box: Hey, you can’t just take that!
Hobo: Yo, I’m just cutting out the middleman, brother.

Ft. Lauderdale, Florida

Dude: Are you looking at pictures of naked women again?
Man: What kind of stupid question is that?
Dude: Yeah, sorry.
Man: Why don’t you ask me what I’m breathing? ‘Breathing some air there, huh? Boy, you sure do like your air.‘
Dude: Yeah, I know, sorry. Hey — that one’s pretty.
Man: Tell me about it.

New York, New York

Waitress: How are you doing today, sir?
Man: I’m on work release.
Waitress, suddenly nervous: Oh… okay. I’ll be right back.

Pancake house
Lawrence, Kansas

Overheard by: Rachel

Young mother pushing baby carriage to old woman holding door for her: Oh, thanks. I think about how hard it must be for people in wheelchairs, but I think this is worse, because I always have so much to carry.

Kent, Ohio

Overheard by: elizabetz

Random stranger: Is that the ATM from upstairs?
Worker, hauling ATM down hallway: Yep.
Random stranger: So now I can’t get money upstairs?
Worker: Oh, no. The money’s still there in a pile. Just take what you need.

Bethesda, Maryland

Englishman: Can I have a tablespoon, please?
Puzzled waitress: Is that a spoon?

University and 30th Street
San Diego, California

Overheard by: Zombie

Receptionist: Hello. May I help you?
Woman: I would like to apply for a job here.
Receptionist: Why are you leaving your current job?
Woman: Ain’t no movin’ up positions. 

220 Dupont Street
Brooklyn, New York

Overheard by: Jack Boston 

Automated computer voice on elevator: Second floor. Going down.
Old man: Uh, up yours.


Overheard by: Up it to what?

Distracted sexy woman: I’m in room 7439*.
Bellman: I’m happily married.

Hotel and casino
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Laurence Crews