Restaurant manager, to hobo panhandling inside the restaurant: You need to leave right now.
Hobo: Man, how you know I not here for some crab cakes and fine wine?
Restaurant manager: Because you have human shit all over your pants.
Illinois Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Guy: I was at this one place last night where I paid an extra $10 to get a tossed salad at 3am. What a great deli.
Wilton, Connecticut
Overheard by: Derek Paruolo
Guy: I’m looking for my daughter. She was going to meet us at McDonalds, but it’s closed, so I need to tell her.
Woman: Oh, is she a very pretty girl?
Guy: Not really.
Woman: Oh.
1535 Bacharach Boulevard
Atlantic City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Lauren
Hostess: I don’t know why they’re getting married. They don’t even have kids!
45 South Illinois Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Large lady: You know if you are a Goth, they take your children away.
Old lady: That’s not true! I have ten children, and I wear a lot of black clothing.
North Station Commuter Rail
Boston, Massachusetts
Co-worker: Where the fuck are the urinals?
Stall: Wrong bathroom, buddy.
1055 North Cruise Boulevard
Port of Miami, Florida
Overheard by: WordPower
Tech Support: Okay, I need you to go to a command prompt and type
“‘mail from:’ your email address” and this should get you a connection.
User: It didn’t work.
Tech Support: Okay, so you typed “‘mail from:’ your email address” and it didn’t work for you?
User: Wait a minute. Did you say you wanted me to type “nail” or “mail”?
1010 Niagara Street
Buffalo, New York
Lady on phone: Girrrl, you done sound like an apple pie that’s been baked!
Evanston, Wyoming
Very tan woman: I’m going to pass out at this charity event. I don’t know where my lunch went.
Annoyed woman: What did you eat?
Very tan woman: A Cadbury’s creme egg and two sugar cookies.
1 New York Plaza
New York, NY
Overheard by: Preetham Mallikaruna
