Strangers

Apparently “Make Stuffing” Is an Arcane Insult in North Carolina

(scientist gets in a packed elevator)
Scientist: I can’t believe it’s this busy the day before Thanksgiving.
Secretary: Surprisingly.
Scientist: I said: “I can’t believe it’s this busy!” It’s the day before Thanksgiving!
Tech: It’s actually two days from Thanksgiving.
Scientist: I’m going to go home and make my turkey tonight. Have it ready for the family!
Suit: What a good idea. You should make the stuffing with it, save time.
(scientist smiles, gets off)
Tech: That wasn’t nice.
Suit: He farted while in an elevator, I don’t care.

Extremely Small Elevator
Research Triangle Park, North Carolina

You Call This a Gay Bar?

Stranger at urinal, before storming out of the bathroom: They don’t play enough Cher, that’s what blows!

Melville, New York

No, He’s Reading Too Loud

Children’s librarian: Do you mind?
Chick with breast exposed, nursing her baby: I’m sorry, is he sucking too loud?

York County Library
Rock Hill, South Carolina

617-861-3962

Businessman: Can I get a decaf cappuccino?
Waiter: Actually, we only have regular cappuccino here.
Businessman: Okay, I'll have one of those, just give me your phone number so I have somebody to talk to when I can't sleep tonight.

State Street
Boston, Massachusetts

I’m Also a Little Unclear on This ‘Hat’ Concept

Woman: My boyfriend wants the Florida Marlins hat with the swordfish through the ‘F.’
Man: You mean the marlin through the ‘F’?
Woman: What’s a marlin?

Charlestown, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Taylor

I’m Gonna Say Courtney Love, But That’s Just a Shot in the Dark

Girl caller: Hi, I want to report a woman lying facedown in the road.
Police receptionist: What does she look like?

Rosemead, California

As All Brooklyn Welfare Mothers Know, Nails Are More Important than Parenting

Ghetto woman: I’m only here because I got a gift certificate. I hate Manhattan. I never come here. I can’t stand it. Everyone is just so rude. All the time. So rude. I would never be able to keep my mouth shut to some of these people.
Nail technician: Where do you work?
Ghetto woman: Over here, at sixth and 23rd. I hate it though. That’s why I live out in the county.
Nail technician: Oh! Where do you live?
Ghetto woman: Brooklyn. Tommy! Sit still in that chair for godsakes!!

14th St & 6th Ave
New York City

Overheard by: seriously?

5PM That’s a Wrap

Voice on elevator emergency intercom: Hello? Hello?
Confused woman who just got on: Um…..yes?
Voice: Yes, I’m Karen* from American Express. Can I please speak with Shin Chen*?
Woman: Um…No… You just reached an elevator.
Voice: Oh! Well, thank you for using American Express. If you have any questions, please call 1-800-555-1234*. Thanks for using American Express and have a great day!

541 Willamette Street
Eugene, Oregon

Overheard by: the other passenger

…Bitch

Large lady, pressing wrong button in elevator: Oh, I thought I was going to the gym!
Small lady: You really need to go to the gym.
Large lady: I know.

Los Angeles, California

It’s an L.A. County Law

Bicycle Girl: Take the 101 to the 405, and then you’ll hit Santa Monica. There are great bike trails there.
Bicycle Boy: Great. I was having trouble finding good bike trails around here.
Bicycle Girl: Yeah, there are no good trails in the Valley. You have to go by the beach or mountains. No one rides their bike in the Valley unless they’re Mexican and on their way to work.

North Hollywood, California

Overheard by: Jen

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