Coworker #1: Let me tell you my big cannoli story! (coworker #2 giggles) No, it's not dirty.

Government Office
Washington, DC

Recruiter for aid programs in Afghanistan: I talked with one Mark Johnson* — an 82-year-old WWII vet. He doesn’t hear well, but would love to see some combat. I told him that I would see what we could arrange.
Manager: Ummm…
Recruiter: Dude, sarcasm?

7250 Woodmont Avenue
Bethesda, Maryland

Guy on bench: I know, this is ridiculous. I’ve been waiting three hours to turn myself in.

Precinct 1
Cincinnati, Ohio

Flustered bailiff: Ok, I sound a little obsessed with this woman I have zero connection to other than she had sex with the delivery guy my married co-worker has a crush on, but seriously, what a whore.

Hall of Justice
Sacramento, California

Overheard by: Administration

Male coworker: There’s nothing worse than feeling not-so-fresh when you have a doctor between your legs.
Female coworker just walking into the conversation: Huh?

200 Constitution Avenue
Washington, DC

Intern #1: I will do all of your House bills if you get up and dance right now!
Intern #2: No.
Co-Worker: Why would you pay all of his house bills if he dances? That’s like $100!
Intern #1: House, like House of Representatives!
Co-Worker: We have access to the legislature’s power bills?

Political Office
Raleigh, North Carolina

Overheard by: Jason B.

Phone monkey to supervisor getting beer out of bag: So, can I drink this at my desk or do I have to go outside?

Government Call Centre

Kind supervisor: I just wanted to ask you to lower your voice a little bit. You must have gotten some good news on the phone, but you were a little rambunctious with the language. I think you said (whispering) “shit” three times during that call.
Embarrassed secretary: You ask so little of me, and I still can't do it. I mean, who has to tell a grown woman not to yell “shit” in a crowded office?

Government Office
Tampa, Florida

Mail teller: You’ll need to call 1-800-USPS. Wait. That doesn’t sound right. It must be 1-800-USPS though.
Customer: Okay. Thanks!

Post Office
Rochester, New York

Overheard by: How many digits in a phone number?

Crazy coworker, nonchalantly: I knew a guy who killed his girlfriend. Stuffed her in the wall…

Government Office
Washington, DC