Chick: I can’t pee when the janitor is in there.
Dude: What, it throws you off? Try peeing while Al Gore is peeing right next to you on his phone. I usually just turn around and walk right back out.
King Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: misnomer
Voice on PA: Can we get a customer service in the women’s room?
Safeway
Gilroy, California
Overheard by: mind in the gutter
Female coworker: I pulled my butt muscle taking a whiz!
150 Batson Drive
Manchester, Connecticut
Guy exiting bathroom: I hate it when I go to the bathroom and the back of my pants gets wet!
Cottage Grove, Wisconsin
Overheard by: My Pants are Dry
Skank: Can I use your bathroom?
Clerk: Only if you promise not to pee on the floor.
Skank: Okay.
7-Eleven, Westmoreland Street and Broad Street
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Lane In Richmond
Girl exiting bathroom: Coffee makes my pee smell funny.
1000 Hilltop Circle
Baltimore, Maryland
Building manager: Did you get that poop under control?
Maintenance guy: I’ll deal with it on Monday.
7025 Kit Creek Road
Research Triangle Park, North Carolina
Overheard by: mac774
Employee on phone: Did you poop? Did you poop today? Will you poop with me when I get home? Okay, we’ll poop together when I get home.
New York, New York
Restaurant manager, to hobo panhandling inside the restaurant: You need to leave right now.
Hobo: Man, how you know I not here for some crab cakes and fine wine?
Restaurant manager: Because you have human shit all over your pants.
Illinois Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Art director: I do it over the toilet bowl, and when I’m done, it looks like there’s a dead animal in there.
375 Hudson Street
New York, New York
