Sales guy: They need to either shit or go home!

Somerville, Massachusetts

Kitchen grunt: You ever poop and suddenly find the world a better place?

Main Street
Greenwood, Indiana

Overheard by: RDC

Female coworker #1: Are your poops big?
Female coworker #2: Well, I don’t exactly examine…
Female coworker #1: Well, compare your big poop to something in real life.
Female coworker #2: This is ridiculous.
Female coworker #1: No, I’m serious.
Female coworker #2: I don’t know, an egg?
Female coworker #1: How many eggs?
Female coworker #2: Three, four?
Female coworker #1: Well, my big poop is like the size of a Nalgene water bottle.

Gladstone Avenue & Galena Boulevard
Aurora, Illinois

Overheard by: Just Trying to Eat My Lunch

Employee, singing on the way down the hall: I need to change my tammmmmponnnnn

Coalinga, California

Crazy coworker, on saving money: You can live without toilet paper, because you could just use Kleenex instead, but you can’t live without steak!

Collegeville, Pennsylvania

Manager leaving toilet stall, to next person in line: Don’t worry — I didn’t leave anything in there.

473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey

Overheard by: office peon

Employee on phone: My buddy just told me this story about how his wife was so drunk last weekend in a high‐end club in the Hamptons, and she ran to the bathroom to puke but never fully made it to the toilet. On top of that, as she was puking everywhere, turns out she was also shitting herself. So now the whole club had to be closed down because it smelled like shit and puke. Isn’t that hysterical?

Boss walks in.

Employee to boss: Hey, do you know this club?
Boss: Yeah, I actually went there last Saturday night, but we left immediately because it smelled like shit and vomit.

60th Street & Madison Avenue
New York, New York

Overheard by: holding‐it‐in

Employee: I have “Holly Jolly Christmas” in my head, and it’s all the bathroom’s fault.

Kansas City, Missouri

Overheard by: Meghan

(cell phone rings, CEO at urinal answers)
CEO: Hello? Yeah, hi. I’ll be.…
(another toilet flushes very loudly)
CEO: Guess where I am?

New Westminster, BC

Overheard by: Knows the etiquette

Office peon #1: I think it might be a wobble.
Office peon #2: A wobble? On the toilet?!
Office peon #1: A wobble.
Office peon #2: Well, who’s jumping up and down on it?

San Diego, California

Overheard by: No idea what they were talking about