Manager leaving toilet stall, to next person in line: Don’t worry — I didn’t leave anything in there.
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Manager leaving toilet stall, to next person in line: Don’t worry — I didn’t leave anything in there.
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Employee on phone: My buddy just told me this story about how his wife was so drunk last weekend in a high-end club in the Hamptons, and she ran to the bathroom to puke but never fully made it to the toilet. On top of that, as she was puking everywhere, turns out she was also shitting herself. So now the whole club had to be closed down because it smelled like shit and puke. Isn’t that hysterical?
Boss walks in.
Employee to boss: Hey, do you know this club?
Boss: Yeah, I actually went there last Saturday night, but we left immediately because it smelled like shit and vomit.
60th Street & Madison Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: holding-it-in
Employee: I have “Holly Jolly Christmas” in my head, and it's all the bathroom's fault.
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: Meghan
(cell phone rings, CEO at urinal answers)
CEO: Hello? Yeah, hi. I'll be….
(another toilet flushes very loudly)
CEO: Guess where I am?
New Westminster, BC
Canadia
Overheard by: Knows the etiquette
Office peon #1: I think it might be a wobble.
Office peon #2: A wobble? On the toilet?!
Office peon #1: A wobble.
Office peon #2: Well, who's jumping up and down on it?
San Diego, California
Overheard by: No idea what they were talking about
Facilities manager to entire staff: And for the men in the office, please don't spit chew into the urinals, as it can clog the pipes and is very difficult to remove.
Engineer, joking: Oh, I see, single out the men. What about the girls?
Female QA manager, who actually chews: We don't spit, we swallow.
Boise, Idaho
Overheard by: testcenter cowboy
New chef: I gotta take a dump.
Waiter: There’s no toilet seat in the employee bathroom.
New chef: Dude, I just got out of jail after five years. I could shit in a pickle bucket in the middle of our dining room and it wouldn’t bother me.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Male coworker: The first time I shit in school was in eleventh grade. It was during Chemistry, after gym class. It was on that day I became a man. Since then I’ll shit anywhere, basically.
1372 Broadway
New York, New York
Overheard by: ILmatic
CSR on phone: Help desk, this is James*.
[pause]
CSR: I am sorry, this is the PC and phone help desk. Sounds like you need the facilities help desk if a toilet is stopped up.
[pause]
CSR: Okay sir, I understand, but you need facilites, not the help desk.
[long pause]
CSR: Okay, is it a Windows toilet or a Unix toilet?
Customer, now on speakerphone: Well, there are no windows in this bathroom, so I guess it must be a Unix toilet.
CSR: Okay, I will get a Unix toilet specialist there as soon as we can. Which building and bathroom is it?
[pause]
CSR: Thanks.
[CSR hangs up]
CSR back on phone: Hello, facilities? This is James at the PC help desk. Yeah, I have a doozy for you…try not to laugh…
730 International Parkway
Richardson, Texas
Overheard by: El Gee
I was sitting at the reception desk in my office and the main door leading to the hallway and elevators was propped open. I could not see into the hallway, but I could hear a man and a woman talking as they waited for the elevator. Eventually the elevator door opened and one of them got on. As soon as the door closed the other person not only let out a huge sigh of relief but also the biggest fart I have ever heard. I thought I was going to die I laughed so hard.
400 Park Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Melissa Berry
