Teacher #1: I can’t teach this kid anymore.
Teacher #2: Why?
Teacher #1: He can’t keep his hands out of his pants.
Teacher #2: So?
Teacher #1: Look, do I have to spell it out? He doesn’t know the difference between shit and food.
Teacher #2: Oh my god, I’m gonna barf.
Teacher #1: Not around this kid. He might thinks it’s a snack.
3035 Desert Marigold Lane
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: don’t want to eat the food
Boss: Does anyone have any questions?
Employee asks involved question.
Boss: You know what? I have a million questions that you cannot answer.
Employee: But you asked if anyone had any questions.
Boss: Yeah, and if I asked if anyone had to go to the bathroom, I wouldn’t expect you to whip it out and take a whiz right here.
Stamford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Spacing Out
Boss: You may not spend an hour in the bathroom.
3520 Lancaster Avenue
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Co-Worker on phone: So I was throwing up in the bathroom, and my three best friends were having sex in the stall next to me.
1601 Cloverfield Boulevard
Santa Monica, California
Co-worker #1: What are you up to tonight?
Co-worker #2: After the week I’ve had, I’m getting so drunk I pee on something.
Co-worker #1: Cool.
College Station Drive
Macon, Georgia
Employee #1: I saw you run to the bathroom. So I followed you in and heard you frantically trying to put the protective cover on the seat.
Employee #2: Yeah. And?
Employee #1: Then I shut the light off.
Employee #2: Oh that was you? Well just so you know, I’m a master at pooping in the dark.
6255 Sunset Boulevard
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Ron
Coworker: You can totally tell who’s in the next toilet cubicle by the sound of the shit when it hits the water.
Harbour Esplanade
Melbourne, Australia
Librarian #1: Is that you, Chelsea*?
Librarian #2: Yes.
Librarian #1: Oh good. I thought I waved to the wrong person.
Librarian #2: Oh, I didn’t see you wave.
Librarian #1, exasperated: Well I did it under the stall.
Librarian #2: I was looking at the wall.
Librarian #1, still exasperated: Well, let me do it again then.
401 Merritt 7
Norwalk, Connecticut
Overheard by: Proof Positive
Co-worker: Ew, I just walked through someone’s fart cloud.
4575 Ruffner Street
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Olivia Gomez
Urinal #1: I am going home for the day. Take care, you have a good one.
Urinal #2: Thanks; I didn’t even know you were looking.
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
