Co-worker: I found three turds this morning. Do we have someone who comes and takes care of that?
2320 West Highway 76
Branson, Missouri
Co-worker: I found three turds this morning. Do we have someone who comes and takes care of that?
2320 West Highway 76
Branson, Missouri
IT #1: Okay, I’ll set up one of my extra workstations and get a wireless card for it.
IT #2: Can you get a card easily?
IT #1: Oh sure, they’re only about 50 bucks. I can get petty cash.
Manager: So we have to go through you. Why can’t [Claude] get it?
IT #2: Because I have to go through too many layers of management and red tape.
Manager: For an old computer and a $50 card?
IT #1: Yeah, this place is like a prison. It’s all about who can trade cigarettes for a sharp shiv.
Manager: Or who’s around when you drop the soap…
525 Rudder Road
Fenton, Missouri
Boss to employee: I mean, it's not rocket scientists.
Springfield, Missouri
Guy #1: Have you ever thought about a vagina being like an “inverted” penis?
Guy #2: No.
Guy #1, continuing anyways: That way, if you were to “hit bottom” on a girl, that would mean that your penis was technically “bigger” than hers.
Guy #2: I want to kill myself for having been involved in this conversation.
Joplin, Missouri
Employee girl: Hey, can I have your pickle again today?
Employee guy: I was wondering when you were going to ask for it. Where do you want it?
Employee girl: Here is fine. (to receptionist) I always eat his pickle.
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Cubicle Dweller
Male boss, on phone with male contractor: I'm tellin' ya, man. I need nine inches!
Wentzville, Missouri
Receptionist, puzzled: This is really dry. I guess all the juice is in my box.
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Ian
Worker #1: Ohmigod! I was typing a letter and I was typing really fast and instead of typing “tots” I typed “tits”!
Worker #2, underwhelmed: Really? That's funny.
Worker #1: No, really!! I typed “tits,” like t-i-t-s, at least I think that's how you spell it.
Jefferson City, Missouri
Office grunt: I was just going to jerk them off but I figured it would be best to ask first.
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: wes
Office Clerk #1: Have you noticed that there aren’t any ceiling sprinklers in this entire building?
Office Clerk #2: Y’know, you’re right. But there are smoke detectors.
Office Clerk #1: And those will certainly help put out the flames when we’re trapped in our cubicles.
Supervisor: Well…maybe the sprinklers are above the false ceiling.
Employee #1: Oh…so when there is a fire the sprinklers will soak the ceiling tiles which will cause them to fall to the ground and smother the flames?
406 West 34th Street
Kansas City, Missouri
