IT #1: Okay, I’ll set up one of my extra workstations and get a wireless card for it.
IT #2: Can you get a card easily?
IT #1: Oh sure, they’re only about 50 bucks. I can get petty cash.
Manager: So we have to go through you. Why can’t [Claude] get it?
IT #2: Because I have to go through too many layers of management and red tape.
Manager: For an old computer and a $50 card?
IT #1: Yeah, this place is like a prison. It’s all about who can trade cigarettes for a sharp shiv.
Manager: Or who’s around when you drop the soap…

525 Rudder Road
Fenton, Missouri

Boss to employee: I mean, it's not rocket scientists.

Springfield, Missouri

Guy #1: Have you ever thought about a vagina being like an “inverted” penis?
Guy #2: No.
Guy #1, continuing anyways: That way, if you were to “hit bottom” on a girl, that would mean that your penis was technically “bigger” than hers.
Guy #2: I want to kill myself for having been involved in this conversation.

Joplin, Missouri

Employee girl: Hey, can I have your pickle again today?
Employee guy: I was wondering when you were going to ask for it. Where do you want it?
Employee girl: Here is fine. (to receptionist) I always eat his pickle.

St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: Cubicle Dweller

Male boss, on phone with male contractor: I'm tellin' ya, man. I need nine inches!

Wentzville, Missouri

Receptionist, puzzled: This is really dry. I guess all the juice is in my box.

St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: Ian

Worker #1: Ohmigod! I was typing a letter and I was typing really fast and instead of typing “tots” I typed “tits”!
Worker #2, underwhelmed: Really? That's funny.
Worker #1: No, really!! I typed “tits,” like t-i-t-s, at least I think that's how you spell it.

Jefferson City, Missouri

Office grunt: I was just going to jerk them off but I figured it would be best to ask first.

Kansas City, Missouri

Overheard by: wes

Office Clerk #1: Have you noticed that there aren’t any ceiling sprinklers in this entire building?
Office Clerk #2: Y’know, you’re right. But there are smoke detectors.
Office Clerk #1: And those will certainly help put out the flames when we’re trapped in our cubicles.
Supervisor: Well…maybe the sprinklers are above the false ceiling.
Employee #1: Oh…so when there is a fire the sprinklers will soak the ceiling tiles which will cause them to fall to the ground and smother the flames?

406 West 34th Street
Kansas City, Missouri

Drone to another: I have something that may tie up your loose end.

Kansas City, Missouri