9AM Back to Work

Attorney Jim*: So is this what the embarassed silence sounds like?
Attorney Keith*: Yes. I feel awful.
Attorney Lou*: I’d give Jim’s right nut to be asleep right now.
Keith: Totally. I don’t know what time you guys left, but I didn’t get home until 2.
Jim: I’m not sure what time we left either. But the tattoo parlor was closed. That I’m definite on.
Keith: Oh, that’s too bad. I wish the room would stop spinning.
Attorney Mark*: I feel amazing today. There is nothing like coming in completely hungover and talking to Natasha* about how retarded she is. Lou, I killed you in our drink contest. You had like five wines. You’re a lightweight.
Jim: Hey Mark, how’s that hickey on the side of you face, you homo?

717 Madison Place NW
Washington, DC

Posted on May 3, 2025
DC and Mid-Atlantic, Gossip, Legal

3PM [Elizabeth]’s Goodbye Party

Boss: [Elizabeth], we wish you the best. You are a nice person and if you ever want to come back to work here, you are welcome. Now where is [Rachel]? [Rachel], do you want to say a few words? Because I can only comment on [Elizabeth] as a person, not her work.

1425 New York Avenue NW
Washington, DC

Posted on October 6, 2023
Bosses, DC and Mid-Atlantic, Hiring & Firing, Questions

How Paper-Pushers Glamorize Their Coffee Break

Loner geek, answering phone: The Phoenix rises at 3 pm. (hangs up phone)

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Bec215

Posted on January 11, 2023
DC and Mid-Atlantic, Dorks, Geeks, & Nerds, Names, On the phone, Time Management

All I Want Is a Hand-Turkey for Thanksgiving. What Do I Get? Two Lousy Short Stories about Pilgrims!

Manager #1: My kids SUCK at arts and crafts.
Manager #2: No glitter? No glue? No macaroni or popsicle sticks?
Manager #1: Holy shit, no. They are the epitome of suck.

West Irving Park Road
Roselle, Illinois

Posted on January 6, 2023
DC and Mid-Atlantic, Executives, Insults

And He Said, “I’d Prefer Reparations”

White HR director: I’ve never touched someone’s head like that before! I touched it, and it was all wavy. I told him, you’re the first African-American person’s head I’ve ever touched. You should feel honored.

8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Just an office girl…

Posted on November 24, 2022
DC and Mid-Atlantic, General Idiocy, Human Resources, Maryland, Race, United States

2PM Raising Headcount

Recruiter for aid programs in Afghanistan: I talked with one Mark Johnson* — an 82-year-old WWII vet. He doesn’t hear well, but would love to see some combat. I told him that I would see what we could arrange.
Manager: Ummm…
Recruiter: Dude, sarcasm?

7250 Woodmont Avenue
Bethesda, Maryland