Legal

9AM Back to Work

Attorney Jim*: So is this what the embarassed silence sounds like?
Attorney Keith*: Yes. I feel awful.
Attorney Lou*: I’d give Jim’s right nut to be asleep right now.
Keith: Totally. I don’t know what time you guys left, but I didn’t get home until 2.
Jim: I’m not sure what time we left either. But the tattoo parlor was closed. That I’m definite on.
Keith: Oh, that’s too bad. I wish the room would stop spinning.
Attorney Mark*: I feel amazing today. There is nothing like coming in completely hungover and talking to Natasha* about how retarded she is. Lou, I killed you in our drink contest. You had like five wines. You’re a lightweight.
Jim: Hey Mark, how’s that hickey on the side of you face, you homo?

717 Madison Place NW
Washington, DC

9AM Good Morning, Office!

Lawyer #1: What does that mean again?
Lawyer #2: Listen, if you can’t figure out this report, you’re fired.

452 5th Avenue
New York, NY

Overheard by: Bob

1PM Identifying Next Actions

Attorney: Well, that client is single now.
Secretary: Really?
Attorney: I’m going to have to lose 20 pounds. Bring me my pills.

415 South Ohio
Sedalia, Missouri

The Caps Look Pretty Jaunty

Paralegal #1: I’m not sure what’s going on with the boxes, they kind of keep me in the dark about these things.
Paralegal #2: Yes…they do treat us like mushrooms.

200 Park Avenue
New York, NY

Overheard by: GJG

5PM That’s a Wrap

Attorney: This work shit has got to stop. It’s really bringing me down.

301 Merritt Seven
Norwalk, Connecticut

Like a Priest?

Probationee: You’re a good listener. You really listen when I talk to you. You’re like a pedophile.
Probation officer: A what?
Probationee: A pedophile, you know. Someone who is a good listener.

Lancaster County Offices
Lancaster, Pennsylvania

Beyond a Reasonable Doubt

Attorney: Oh, god, not her. She is an insufferable hag. Tell her I’m not in the office.
Temp on phone: I’m sorry, ma’am, he’s out of the office… Well, I apologize, but he’s not here right now… Yes, I’m aware that lying to another attorney is unethical… Ma’am, you did not hear his voice in the background… No, I’m telling you, he’s not here… Well, how do you know that was his voice? Couldn’t it have been an intern or another attorney? … Well if it sounded like him, who’s to say his son isn’t visiting today and that’s whose voice you heard? Yes, I’ll give him the message. Thank you.
Attorney: So… Have you considered law school?

Long Island law firm
Long Island, New York

2PM Facilities Issues

HR assistant: So, Paul*, when are you gonna take a look at my thing? I’m bursting at the seams, right?
Paul the safety director: [laughing] I can’t look now — and will never look at your thing.
HR assistant: But, dang it! I need some space! Look at how my file cabinets are overflowing!!
Paul: HR isn’t the only department that needs filing space!
HR assistant: [sighs] I just need someone to look and to care!

4730 South Fort Apache
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Corporate Paralegal

It the Future, You'll Be Able to Just Click a Box on the Internet

Girl applying for marriage license, to fiance: You sure you want to do this?
Fiance to girl: Who else am I gonna marry?
Girl to clerk: Is this the same place you come for divorce too?

Clerk of Court Office
Titusville, Florida

Overheard by: Tricia

12PM Lunch

Attorney’s wife: I’m getting so fat.
Attorney: You’re not fat.
Attorney’s wife: Aw, well…
Attorney interrupts: You’re old. You just look fat.

319 West Woodlawn Avenue
Louisville, Kentucky

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