Janitor: See, you’re making assumptions. That’s no good. You know what happens when you assume, doncha?
Lawyer: …
Janitor: Yeah, that’s right; you make an ass outta yourself.
15 Somerset Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Janitor: See, you’re making assumptions. That’s no good. You know what happens when you assume, doncha?
Lawyer: …
Janitor: Yeah, that’s right; you make an ass outta yourself.
15 Somerset Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Court clerk: Next docketed matter, Wood v. City. Anybody have Wood? If you have Wood, bring it up here.
50 West Randolph Street
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Larry
Lawyer: Then why did you have sex with your cousin while she was sleeping?
Client: I honestly thought she wanted it. Really, I would never do anything to hurt her. I think of her like a sister.
Lawyer: Perhaps we shouldn’t put you on the witness stand.
2605 E. Cliff Road
Burnsville, Minnesota
Paralegal #1: So I just heard from my officemate that you think your officemate has a huge piece.
Paralegal #2: I know he has a huge piece.
Paralegal #1: How could you possibly know, did he show you?
Paralegal #2: No.
Paralegal #1: Did his wife offer it up?
Paralegal #2: No…My ex-secretary was friends with a girl he used to date…and it is just known.
Paralegal #1: Mm-hmm.
Paralegal #2: Look. When you see him in the hall, say “Hey” and take a quick look down, you can totally tell.
200 Park Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: GJG
Attorney: I’m not going to have a homosexual affair just to get some cases!
220 5th Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: brokensiren
Latin legal assistant, getting off the phone: That lady just told me to jump in a lake.
Dowdy woman: What is that in Spanish?
Latin legal assistant: She said it in English.
Dowdy woman: Yeah, but I want to hear it in Spanish.
Law Firm
Bay Shore, New York
Legal consultant: What is the legal issue today?
Transferring girl: Well, this woman said she took her dead boyfriend's sperm in the hospital and now his mother wants it and said she'll be damned if she lets anyone have his baby. His mom also says she'll carry the baby herself if she has to to get a son.
Legal consultant (after pause): Okay, send her through.
Eden Prairie, Minnesota
Overheard by: Stan
Girl peon#1: I don't think it's safe to transport raccoons in your car, even if they are in a booster seat.
Girl peon#2: A booster seat is always the exception to the rule.
Hall of Justice
Sacramento, California
Lawyer: It’s not exactly ethical but we have to get this thing out today.
Intern: That isn’t just unethical… Isn’t it illegal?
Lawyer: Only if you think contracts are binding.
Madison Avenue
New York City, New York
