Lawyer #1: So I finally got myself in front of a jury!
Lawyer #2: Really?
Lawyer #1: Yeah! It was a rape case.
Lawyer #2: That’s fantastic! Well, for you anyway.
Allegan St
Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: o rly?
Lawyer #1: So I finally got myself in front of a jury!
Lawyer #2: Really?
Lawyer #1: Yeah! It was a rape case.
Lawyer #2: That’s fantastic! Well, for you anyway.
Allegan St
Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: o rly?
Defense attorney: Objection, Your Honor. The prosecution continues to assert this witness is an expert but has offered no evidence to support the claim.
Judge: Sustained. Mr. Martin*, is this witness your expert?
Prosecutor: Yes, Your Honor.
Judge: Would you care to establish for the court why the witness is an expert in the field of pediatrics?
Prosecutor: Cause he…ummm…knows stuff?
State Court
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Xen
Judge: So what does your wife do for a living?
Potential juror: Nothing.
Judge: She does nothing?
Potential juror: Nope.
Judge: Do you have kids?
Potential juror: Yes.
Judge: Yeah, she does “nothing”.
265 East 161st Street
Bronx, New York
Overheard by: John
Very country legal assistant to hearing office rep: Well… That Irene Davis and I have been commuting.
Hearing office rep: What?
Very country legal assistant: Commuting… Ya know, talking.
Law Firm
Lower Alabama
Overheard by: How embarassing for the rest of us
Speakerphone: …but then they said my trial was rescheduled for December 3rd, and then the other day I got a notice that said it was for December 1st and I just wanted to tell [Leslie] that they’re changing it.
Secretary: Um, okay, sorry, but the 3rd of December is a Saturday. Speakerphone: I’m not going to argue with you! I’m just telling you what they said!
Secretary: Um, ok.
3 South Pinckney Street
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: temp drone
Judge, on the bench: This is not a court of justice! This is a court of law!
Elyria, Ohio
Lawyer: So are you sleeping with my wife or what?
Client: [Rob], you’re hilarious.
Lawyer: ‘Cause you know, you can get her pregnant. I don’t even care.
11755 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Defense attorney: I’m going back to the office. God, I hate days like this. Losing blows.
Defendant: Hey, sorry, man. But, really, you didn’t have a chance.
300 East Bay Street
Jacksonville, Florida
Overheard by: Jess
Paralegal to friendly lawyer: I’m sorry, I can’t shake your hand.
Lawyer: What’s your problem? We just saved the firm hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Paralegal: It has nothing to do with that… I’d help to bankrupt an orphanage if it came to it.
Lawyer: Then why won’t you shake my hand?
Paralegal: Sir, I was in the bathroom when you took a shit after the meeting, and you didn’t wash your hands. That’s just disgusting.
725 12th Street NW
Washington, DC
Lawyer: Did you hear about Vanessa*?
Secretary: No. What about her?
Lawyer: Yeah, poor Vanessa. She woke up dead on July 4th.
Broad Street
Louisville, Georgia
